


What If the World Was Ending and We Held Hands?

by axellite, shivadyne



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Altered Mental States, Attempt at Humor, Background Relationships, F/F, F/M, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-08-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axellite/pseuds/axellite, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shivadyne/pseuds/shivadyne
Summary: “Thank you for the spelling lesson, Skull,” Goro says, clearly unimpressed. He’s looking around the area of Mementos they have ended up in curiously. “Joker, what do you think of this situation?”Akira looks at Goro, then off into the distance, then back to Goro. He runs over the many choices running through his head.> “I think we should make out.”> “Aliens did it! I knew it all along! The aliens are behind Mementos, and if I’d wore that tin foil hat we’d never be in this situation to begin with!”> “Does this outfit make me look fat? Be honest.”
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Comments: 106
Kudos: 638





	1. Day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shivadyne here! i have no idea what i'm doing but i'm diving headfirst into my favorite type of story with axellite! this story is going to be kind of silly and i have no clue how regularly we'll update, but... there you have it.

Akira wakes up to the dulcet tones of Orange Caramel’s hit meme song, Catallena, and gropes blindly through the covers to stop the alarm at the last, “Ah!” sound effect.

Morgana promptly kicks Akira in the jaw and stretches, waking up. “Morning, Joker!”

Akira sprawls back out on the blankets, seeing stars. He says nothing, thinking over all the choices he could say. All of them are mean, like…

_ > “Go fuck yourself, Mona.”  
> “You dumb cat.”  
> “I’m going to flea bomb you.” _

Morgana licks himself from at the bottom of the bed, unaware that Akira is contemplating committing a murder and getting himself in prison for real this time. “You always take forever to get up! Come on, Sojiro’s gonna yell at you if you’re late to class.”

Akira rolls out of bed, falling onto the floor with a dramatic thump. He sprawls out dramatically, holding a hand over his heart. “I’m dead,” he tells Morgana.

Morgana hops off the bed, landing on Akira’s stomach with all the weight of a cat that’s been overfed on expensive sushi from Ginza and Sojiro’s cooking. “Be a man already.”

Akira hates him.

***

Akira sits down across from Sojiro, who stands behind the counter watching him with the most unimpressed expression known to man. “Morning, Boss!”

“Hey. What’s with all that racket? You’ll scare away the customers.” Sojiro places down a bowl of sushi for Morgana, who inspects it with disdain because it’s not golden-flecked like the shit from Ginza. He places down a bowl of plain rice for Akira, which is largely unappealing and probably a punishment for something he didn’t do. Wash the dishes maybe?

“The cafe’s empty,” Akira says, staring down at the bowl of rice. There’s not even enough water in it and the rice is sticking together in clumps. He relates to them emotionally.

“Not for long,” he grumbles, flipping the sign to open. No one comes in. It’s 8:00AM.

Akira would respond with something that’d get him in trouble, but then his phone cheerily starts making a noise like when the fighter loses in Punch Ouch. His phone screams, “Ouch! Ouch! Ou-”

Sojiro looks like he wants to kill him.

Akira checks his phone with such speed that his Proficiency might have gone up by a point for the valiant effort to save his ass from eviction. The dumpster outside didn’t look so charming to him when he had a cushy attic and the dust bunnies finally knew him by name.

_Gororo is typing…_

_Gororo: Akira, are we going into the palace today? We haven’t made much progress._

Akira leaves him on read and eats his shitty, clumpy rice in contemplative silence. _My life sucks,_ he realizes.

Morgana leans over his shoulder, glancing at the message. “Aren’t you going to respond, Akira?” he nags, like a micromanaging feline prick.

“No,” Akira informs Morgana, ignoring the way Sojiro looks at him like he’s crazy to stuff three spoonfuls of disgusting rice into his mouth. He feels like a chipmunk. “‘M storin’ dis for later,” he tells Sojiro, grabs his bag even as Morgana’s frantically hopping into it, and sprints out the door before Sojiro finally kills him.

***

“What is a constitutional monarchy?” Mr. Ushimaru drones on. The class is silent. “Tch. If no one answers, I’ll have to pick one of you to tell me.”

Akira’s resting his head on his arms, staring at the back of Ann’s head. _Her hair is so full of volume,_ he thinks. _Why’s mine just all frizz?_ He imagines himself with her hair. It’s not a pretty picture. _No, I’ll take Yusuke’s maybe. He has nice hair. What dye does he use? I mean, I’ve seen his baby picture… painting. Whatever. He’s a natural brunet._

Morgana watches him from inside his bag with squinty blue eyes, full of judgement. He turns his gaze to Ann, who Akira is still staring at, and suddenly looks betrayed. “Why are you staring wistfully at Lady Ann?” he whispers, the meow echoing in the room.

Students turn and stare at Akira.

Akira blinks at them and offers, “...Meow?”

Chalk comes soaring at Akira’s head out of nowhere, offering him no mercy.

***

Akira sits at a table in Cafe Leblanc, flicking his straw wrapper at Ryuji and hitting him in the forehead dead center. “So… now that we’re all here…” He has no idea what else to say, wondering if he could assign Makoto as leader since she’s the only competent member of the team.

“Man, what the hell?!” Ryuji pauses, eyes wide. He turns to Akira and loudly whispers, “I ain’t Akechi. Aim left next time.”

Goro sits primly in his seat, sipping his tea. He locks eyes with Akira, clearly able to hear every word of the conversation.

Akira aims left with Ryuji’s wrapper and it hits Goro in the forehead dead center. “We’re going into Mementos,” he informs the group, deciding that he should pretend to be responsible. “Last time we were in there, someone-” He pauses, hesitant to actually say it. “Well, someone-”

All eyes turn to Haru, who looks back guiltily.

“-tripped, clumsily fell face-first into a slot machine, and alerted the shadows to our presence,” Goro finishes for Akira, taking another long sip of his tea. He savors it, but everyone knows what he’s really savoring is Haru wilting like one of her plants during the winter.

Ryuji looks like he’s going to pummel him.

Akira claps his hands together with a pasted-on smile, feeling like he’s kinning with Ms. Kawakami. “And I am broke! So we’re going into Mementos, and we’re going to pretend to be a real team while we do it! Anyone not okay with that?”

Yusuke goes to raise his hand, but Futaba smashes her bony little elbow into his ribs and he lowers his hand with a pained noise. “I just thought, perhaps, we could-”

“No.” Futaba adjusts her glasses. “We aren’t posing like my Featherman R figurines first so you can make art of it. Alright, losers, let’s get to kicking some shadow butt.”

***

So… Mementos is broken.

“Dude, what the capital H-E-L-L!” Ryuji screams, sounding staticky from Futaba’s giant UFO struggling to handle the sheer volume.

“Thank you for the spelling lesson, Skull,” Goro says, clearly unimpressed. He’s looking around the area of Mementos they have ended up in curiously. “Joker, what do you think of this situation?”

Akira looks at Goro, then off into the distance, then back to Goro. He runs over the many choices running through his head.

_ > “I think we should make out.”  
> “Aliens did it! I knew it all along! The aliens are behind Mementos, and if I’d wore that tin foil hat we’d never be in this situation to begin with!”  
> “Does this outfit make me look fat? Be honest.” _

He chooses none of them to save his head from being lobbed off by a stupid toy weapon. “I think we should be careful. Who knows what caused this to happen? Mementos has always been a mystery.”

“Calm down, Skull,” Makoto says, sounding vaguely murderous. “Or I’ll make you calm down. It appears we’ve been separated from each other. I can assume Crow and Joker are together. I have found myself stuck with,” she sighs, “Skull,” and she frowns. “That leaves us with Panther, Mona, Oracle, Fox, and Noir’s locations unknown.”

“I’m with Mona and Fox,” Haru pipes in. “Fox is trying to paint me.”

“And I’ve got Oracle! She’s… um… typing?” Ann sounds like she would really like to know what Futaba is doing, which is understandable considering the girl is angrily inside her UFO and possibly breathing fire even though that’s Carmen’s thing.

“I’m trying to figure this out, if you’d like to know!” Futaba sounds agitated. “I can see all of you, but I can’t find any paths that lead us to each other because they always change. Our best bet might be to all try to meet up with Mona, Fox, and Noir.”

Akira tries his hardest to listen to Futaba, but his attention is caught by the pulsating red tendrils crawling across the ceiling of the space he’s in with Goro. They seem to be getting closer. “Hold me. I’m scared,” he tells Goro, not scared. He’s a bit fascinated, actually, and is reaching out to try to touch one.

Goro doesn’t seem scared either. If anything, he looks vexed. “Don’t touch anything. You aren’t five.”

Akira is tempted to touch it and stick his tongue out at Goro. “Okay,” he relents, pulling his hand back. “If Skull was here, he’d let me touch the red things…”

They’d be incredibly easy to touch, considering how close they are now. Like, even with his hand back by his side. He wonders if he should be worried.

“Dude, you know it!” Ryuji says, followed by what sounds like Makoto’s weapon smashing into a wall. “...Man,” he lowers his voice as if his faux-whisper will save her from hearing it, “Makoto’s real pissed about being stuck with me. She’s attacking this wall with gustard.”

“Gustard?” Makoto asks, clearly exasperated.

“Oh, like that feeling you get when you’re eating really good cheesecake!” Ann laughs.

“Gusto,” Futaba says through gritted teeth. “He means gusto. I want to go home right now, Joker.”

The tendrils are closing in on them, wrapping around Akira’s wrist and ankle. He’s awkwardly stuck mid-fall. “This sucks,” he tells Goro.

Goro, who is equally stuck in the position of catching him with a tendril wrapped around his entire torso, looks like he could kill him right now and say fuck it to his plan. “My hands are free,” he says, like a bloodthirsty murderer would say to the victim he’s going to strangle.

Akira’s running through the options of what to say again, glancing down at the red tendril. It seems to be glowing and he thinks that is a bad sign. Probably. Maybe. Who knows?

_ > “Caress my face. Gently.” _  
_ > “My teeth are free. I’m going to gnaw my way out of these binds and carry you to freedom on my back!”_  
_ > “I kind of have to pee.” _

“I can’t feel my fingers,” he says instead, trying to flex them.

Goro looks down to Akira’s glove-covered hand. “Your fingers are rather purple,” he says, disinterestedly playing along with the melodrama. Then he seems to remember the actual role he’s meant to be playing. “We need to do something! Oracle, can you help somehow?”

“I’m trying! My persona’s getting completely covered! I can barely keep up communi-” Her voice cuts out abruptly, as do the voices of the others on the team.

“Fuck,” Akira says, summing up the situation. Then he looks at Goro. “I think this thing is draining me of my will to live. I’m going to pass out now.” He stares at the tendrils as they glow even brighter before fainting into Goro’s arms, vision fading out to black.

***

Akira wakes up, expecting to see his own corpse mirroring him. He sees Morgana laying on his chest, fast-asleep, and hears, “Ah!” from his phone. He stares at the alarm, confused by the dream he just had. It was very elaborate. _Why did I ask Goro to hold me?_ The most pressing question of the entire affair weighs heavily on his mind.

Morgana interrupts his ponderings with a loving kick to the jaw. “Morning, Joker!”

Akira screams and flails, falling off the bed. He watches Morgana, traitor not-a-cat that he is, leap away and land on the chair next to the bed. “10 out of 10,” he says weakly. “You’re gonna win the Olympics.”

Morgana licks himself from his seat on the chair. “I am the best Phantom Thief,” he boasts, before turning on him like the total turncat he is. “You always take forever to get up! Come on, Sojiro’s gonna yell at you if you’re late to class. Get off the floor already.”

Akira tries to crawl under his bed, which is a very tough thing to do since it’s low to the ground. “I’m escaping you. You’re saying the things from my dream, and you’re being very mean.”

Morgana hops down from the chair to walk up to him. “Be a man already and face Sojiro. He’s still mad about what you did.”

“What did I do?” Akira asks, suddenly remembering his clumpy rice meal.

Morgana looks at him incredulously. “You poured rice in the coffee machine instead of beans when you were in a rush.”

Akira thinks this over. He has no memory of it, but it does seem like something he’d do. “I’m a bad, bad boy, Morgana.” He sprawls out on his back like a starfish. “And I think you should kill me just to get one villain out of the way.”

“I said be a man!” Morgana delivers a spinning kick to Akira’s ribs, leaving the human wheezing for breath on the floor. “I’m getting Sojiro’s delicious morning sushi. Face your punishment already.” He sprints off down the stairs.

Akira stares blankly at his disappearing fuzzy form, trying to remember where he put his glasses. He pats his face. “Oh. On me.” He hears his phone screaming, “Ouch!” but ignores it to stare at the ceiling. _My life really, really sucks._


	2. Day 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so grateful we don't have to use actual titles for this. things miiight get a little more serious sooner or later so enjoy the humor while it lasts?

Akira’s staring into his clumpy rice like it has all the answers to the universe, ignoring Sojiro staring at him from above like the shark from Jaws and his phone which is continuously screaming, “Ouch!” at him while he eats.

“Can you answer your damn phone? You’ll scare away the customers.” Sojiro’s in the process of aggressively flipping the sign to open. No customers enter, just like in the dream Akira had.

Akira contemplates throwing his phone into the rice and seeing what happens. He looks at Sojiro, imagining a series of responses he could use.

_ > “Listen, Boss, I’m going to do the Single Ladies dance on your counter and you can’t stop me. What will the customers think of that?”  
> “Meow…?”  
> “This isn’t a phone. It’s my tamagotchi. I forgot to take care of him and what you’re hearing is the sound of him drowning in his own shit.”_

“Sure, Boss,” he says instead and pulls out his phone to answer it. 

_Gororo is typing…_

_Gororo: Akira, we still haven’t made much progress. Are we going into the palace today?_

_Gororo is typing…_

_Gororo: And, perchance, would it be possible if we left Ryuji behind for once?_

Akira stares down at his phone, thinks back to his dream where he bizarrely asked Goro to hold him, and sends him the eggplant emoji. He instantly regrets it. “Morgana, I want you to kill me.”

Sojiro starts loudly banging around pots and pans in the back area of the kitchen to the cafe, a signal for Akira to get out with his life crisis and his feelings. Especially his feelings.

Morgana hops into Akira’s bag, waiting for it to be scooped up. “Why are you flirting with the enemy? That is flirting, isn’t it? Yusuke accidentally sent it to all of us with the message, “I’m going to eat this,” and there was mass horror all around.”

“It’s a threat,” Akira offers. He does not elaborate. He picks up the bag and walks as fast as his little thief legs can take him away from the cafe as Sojiro menacingly grinds coffee beans. “I think he’s imagining the beans are my innards.”

Morgana has no comment.

***

“What is a constitutional monarchy?” Mr. Ushimaru asks, sounding like he’s never said anything original or different in his entire academic career. Half of the class is fast asleep. “Tch. If no one answers, I’ll have to pick one of you to tell me.”

Akira looks around at everyone, then at Mr. Ushimaru. No one seems to think this is all an elaborate joke that’s being played on him. He runs through a variety of scenarios in his head, all in sitcom fashion. His favorite is when he stands up, tells Mr. Ushimaru, “I’ve had it with your government schemes,” and moonwalks across the desks to the window. In his daydream, he swandives out the window into the soft, cushy grass with cat-like reflexes that have him landing in a crouch to make Morgana and Ann jealous. Everyone claps. Even Mr. Ushimaru, the social studies scumbag.

Chalk lands in Akira’s hair and nests there, making a new home in the catacombs of frizzy doom. He looks heavenward, wondering what he’s done to deserve this situation.

***

Akira’s sprawled out at the same table in Cafe Leblanc as in his dream, invading Goro’s personal space as he’s chosen a different seating arrangement from last time to feel in control of his life. He jabs his bony shoulder into Goro’s neck and hopes it hurts. “What do you all think we should do?” he asks, ignoring the way Ryuji’s caterpillar eyebrows seem to be crawling up into his hairline to make an escape from the rest of his face in outrage at the position their leader has chosen to be in.

“I don’t think it would be wise to jump back into the palace considering what happened last time,” Goro says, eyes landing directly on Haru. “Right, Haru?” he asks, like a snitch and a bastard. A snastard.

“You snastard,” Akira says, suddenly.

Ryuji turns to him. “Dude… get him!” He offers a high-five.

Haru turns her ashamed gaze away from Goro, watching Ryuji and Akira high five with a confused expression. “A- a sna-”

Makoto cuts her off with a sharp motion of the hand, sounding like her older sister as she sternly tells them, “That’s enough. Should we go into Mementos then?”

Ann’s leaning over Futaba’s shoulder, pointing to a new item she should buy in Neko Atsume. She looks up when it seems like everyone’s started actually getting on track again. “Ooh, a trip down there? That sounds like a great way to get stronger! Right, Futaba?” She nudges her.

Futaba looks up from her phone with the expression of someone who would very much like to go back to hiding in her closet. “Yeah. Sure. What do you think, Inari?”

Yusuke, who has been drawing Akira’s face in profile in the corner of the booth between stuffing his face with Sojiro’s food, looks up. “I am willing to accompany you all wherever we may go. Except, I’m afraid, to an expensive restaurant. I just bought new paints and I have no more funds to spare.”

Akira glances at Goro, who is looking down at him like he wants to push him off and then shoot him at point blank. He contemplates being stuck alone with him again like in the dream. “No. Actually, sorry everyone… change of plans.” He pushes away from the table, looking at all the baffled expressions turned on him. “I think I’m going to go get my fortune read from this cute girl down in Shinjuku.”

Yusuke looks thoughtful. “Can I come?”

Akira backs away from the table, still facing them. His arm hits the edge of the counter and he winces but tries to act like that didn’t happen. “No. No, I’m having gay thoughts and I’m leaving.” He pauses, seeing all eyes land on Goro. “Not about him,” he says, helpfully. “About that guy from class. Mishima? He’s cute. So, I need advice. Bye.”

Goro is staring at Akira like he wants to shove a knife through his eyeballs and then eat them or something creepy like that. Or maybe he just has indigestion, who knows?

Akira sprints out of the cafe, making his way to the train station. He doesn’t even wait for Morgana, who is probably pissed that he was left behind.

***

Akira runs up to Chihaya’s fortune-telling booth, looking at her beseechingly. “Chihaya, I need you.”

Chihaya looks up from her deck of cards, surprised to see him. “Akira? Are you here to buy one of my stones…?”

Akira shakes his head. “Look, Chihaya, I don’t have time for your scam right now. Or your weird cult thing that-”

“It’s not a cult,” Chihaya says defensively, like any cult member would say.

“Forget the cult! Can you tell me my fortune?” Akira pulls out his wallet and throws yen at her. “Look, money! Fortune! Chihaya, I need you!”

Chihaya’s anxiously trying to catch the money that he’s throwing in all random directions.

The man that’s been sitting at her booth this entire time looks even more anxious. “...Should I go?”

“No, no, I’ll get to you right now! I’m so sorry about this!” Chihaya’s hands flutter in the air like a bird.

Akira smacks down some more yen in front of the man. “Take the money and run,” he tells him, staring him dead in the eyes. “Or I’ll cut off my ear and send it to you as a gift.”

Chihaya blinks. “Like Van Gogh?” Then she remembers her business being absolutely destroyed by this madman and narrows her eyes. “Akira! You can’t just go around threatening my customers and throwing money arou-”

The man’s gathering the yen into his wallet. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving. I’ll be back tomorrow, Chihaya. My marriage isn’t destroyed just yet.” He looks longingly towards the bar. “Maybe you’ll have some good fortunes for me.” He starts to leave, shrugging off the hand Chihaya puts on his arm.

Akira cannot believe he’s broke and supporting alcoholism. “Ouch,” he says. “That sucks.” He sits down at Chihaya’s booth, ignoring the burning stare she has on him. He suspects the good will she had towards him during their last meeting is just about gone, but he doesn’t care. “Chihaya, please,” he takes her hands in his, “help me.”

Chihaya stares at him wide-eyed, then pulls her hands back with a flustered expression. “Well… I guess I could give you one fortune. But just the one, you hear me? My business needs these customers to keep running!” She shuffles her deck, then arranges the cards out in a pattern. “I- oh… hm. This is very strange.”

“Strange?” Akira leans forward, staring at the cards as if they’ll give him answers. He has no clue what any of these words mean. “Tell me more.”

Chihaya turns the cards around to face him, displaying The Fool, Justice, The Lovers, The Tower, and The Devil. She squeezes her fingers together. “I’m seeing many cards that seem linked closely together. The Lovers and The Devil. The Fool and Justice. And they’re all linked to The Tower. So what this means is that there’s some sort of sinful romantic situation going on… maybe you’re trapped in a harmful relationship? And there’s a sign that you’re ignoring something important, which is why The Tower is reversed, and stuck… stuck somehow… like everything seems to be repeating-”

“Looping?” Akira asks, staring down at the cards.

“I-I guess? I mean, that’s a word for it? Do you-” Chihaya starts shuffling through her bag. “Do you need any help? Lala has this support group going on. It’s on Friday nights. Maybe you should attend.” She hands him a glossy card that has the words _Lala’s Relationship Counseling_ on it and the imprint of lipstick on it like she’d kissed the card before photocopying it. “I hear it really helps raise your courage up to-”

Akira slowly stands from the table, card clutched between his fingers. “Thank you, Chihaya, for everything. If I die, I’m leaving my TV to you in my will.” He gives an awkward smile and wave before she can say anymore, heading off into the streets and tossing the card down on the ground once he’s out of sight from her. _She thinks I’m in a toxic relationship, and I’m having prophetic dreams. I need a drink, too._

He goes home because he doesn’t know how to make a fake ID. He’s pretty sure Mishima might actually make him one if he gives into temptation, so it’s best to avoid the thought at all.

***

Goro, the detective boy wonder, is sitting on one of the stools at the counter and sipping at a cup of tea. He looks up when Akira arrives. “Well, well, look who finally crawled back into the restaurant.”

Akira looks down at the floor, reminding himself it’s bad form to start crawling like the girl from The Ring because it’s dirty and it means Goro will win since he’s finally cracked. “Why are you here,” he demands, looking around for Sojiro. No dice. “And what did you do with Boss? I need him for things. He’s my emotional support Boss.”

“Everyone was concerned when you ran away from your leaderly role in a moment of panic to get your fortune read,” Goro says, looking at him with an expression that says Akira is a very stupid boy.

Akira is a very stupid boy. “Oh. That makes sense.” He blinks rapidly. “Why are you here then?” he asks, rudely. “If they’re so concerned about me.”

“...There was a vote.” Goro stares down at the table, studying it intently. “They all stuck their fingers on their noses and said not it. I wasn’t sure what childish nonsense they were involving themselves in and didn’t react in time to avoid this encounter.”

“You really warm my heart.” Akira starts walking past Goro upstairs towards the attic, not caring if he’s followed. “I’m fine. You can leave now.”

Goro follows him, lingering awkwardly in the doorway and looking like a fashion model stuck in a really bad commercial deal that he can’t get out of. “You’re acting unusual. It’s concerning everyone.”

“I don’t care.” Akira tries to crawl under his bed to get away from him. “I’m escaping this conversation.”

Goro watches Akira wedge a small portion of his body under the bed. “You-” He looks exasperated. “Stop. You’re going to get stuck!”

Akira, who finds that his arm won’t wiggle back out, is stubbornly silent as he mulls over his options.

_ > “It’s eating me! It’s eating me alive! No, not the cannibal dust bunnies! Goro, run!”_  
_> “Why don’t you come join me under here, you freak of nature you?”  
> “I’m stuck.”_

Akira says, “No, I won’t.” He tries to wiggle his arm again and feels a sharp pain run up his arm. “Oh, that’s where that lock-picking tool went…”

Goro grabs him by the arm, pulling Akira back out with a sharp yank. “Some days I wonder what I see in you,” he mutters.

“Some days I wonder what I see in me, too,” Akira offers, but he’s got the lock-picking tool firmly jammed into his elbow and that’s what matters. “This kind of hurts,” he comments as he pulls it out from his skin. “It got stuck like Morgana’s claws.”

Goro sits on his couch, staring at it like Morgana might rise from the cushions to attack him. “Your feline friend-”

“Not a cat,” Akira informs him.

Goro glares at him for interrupting. “Your friend, who is not a cat, is currently staying with Futaba for the evening.” 

Akira can’t believe everyone is abandoning him, alone, with Goro fucking Akechi. “You can stay the night.” He lays down on his bed and stares at the ceiling. “I’m going to sleep today off and pretend we never had this conversation. It was really childish and that’s saying something from me.”

“You tried to crawl under your bed,” Goro says, laying down on the couch. Apparently the freak of nature has decided this was an actual offer instead of a fake polite gesture to the snake wearing a deerstalker hat. “You only have yourself to blame.”

Akira closes his eyes, trying to find some patience and kindness in his heart. He finds nothing. “Goro. I’m sleeping.”

Goro is definitely staring at him because Akira can feel it and can’t find it in him to fall asleep. He opens his eyes again, reaching into his pocket for his phone and staring at it like it’ll have answers for him. Mostly it just shows all the unread text messages he has.

“You’re not sleeping,” Goro argues, just as the time hits 12:00AM and their entire world warps around them, flashing red shades swirling around and pulsating and pulling at them until the world fades to black.


	3. Day 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! we are back w another chapter... and it is a chapter. enjoy! (shivadyne told me to make this 'iconic' but this is all i've got i'm sorry)

_Everything’s the exact same,_ Akira thinks as he sits through Mr. Ushimaru asking the same question again. _Morgana was sleeping on my chest and Goro wasn’t on my couch. What’s going on…?_

When the chalk comes flying at his head, he ducks and it flies over his head. “Haha,” he says, like an idiot.

Another piece of chalk comes flying and aims true this time, hitting him in the forehead. Plans about going to Mementos run through his head, along with a lot of swearing. _I hate you, Mr. Ushimaru. I hate you and your constant use of the eyes emoji in real life._

Mr. Ushimaru looks at him with the shiftiest eyes a man can have. “Mr. Kurusu, would you like to tell the class the answer?”

Akira considers the possible options he has to answer the question.

_> “A constitutional monarchy is a form of government in which a non-elected monarch functions as the head of state within the limits of a constitution. I stole that from wikipedia.”  
> “I’m climbing out the window and doing a kick-flip! You can’t stop me, bitch!”  
> “What? I didn’t hear that. I think there’s something wrong with my hearing… you sound so faint… feeble… kind of like Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…”_

“...21?”

Mr. Ushimaru turns away with a sigh, probably reconsidering his teaching career. “Does anyone have a real answer, unlike this joker here?”

Ann turns around and looks at Akira with a grin, mouthing, “This Joker!” and Akira kind of wants the weird red tentacles to just grab him right now.

***

Akira sits in the back of the Mona-Bus, wedged between Futaba and Goro while Futaba stretches out luxuriously on her side of the bus. This leaves him practically glued to Goro’s side and questioning his life choices as he’s jabbed once again by Futaba’s stick-like elbows. “Oracle, you’re doing damage to my entire body,” he says.

“Shut up, you wimp,” Futaba says, turning to him and sticking out her tongue childishly. “You said you wanted to look for something funky in here, right? What does that even mean? I’m not sensing a disturbance in the force.”

“Tentacles.” He does not elaborate.

“Like… like in anime?” Futaba’s blushing and it’s a bit disturbing.

Akira tries to scoot away from her as he thinks about Futaba’s persona which most definitely has tentacles, but he finds himself faced with a resistant wall of muscle and arrogance. He considers a variety of answers to her question.

 _> “Anime? What the fuck is that?”_  
_> “My waifu is Hatsune Miku. I don’t care about anyone else.”_  
_> “Futaba, I’m breaking up with you.”_

He says none of them so Futaba doesn’t murder him with tentacles.

Goro looks at him. “Can you get off of me,” he says, not even asking it like a question.

Makoto, who is driving the Mona-Bus as the only actual Phantom Thief with a driver’s license, turns around to look at them. “Can you quiet down? Some people are trying to focus on training to save their sister, you know.”

Akira quietly scoots himself off where he was practically climbing into Goro’s lap and looks at Makoto with the earnest expression of a Phantom Thief who respects his job and is an adult and stuff. “Sorry, Queen. Let’s split up into two teams today and we’ll switch between them. Anyone have requests?”

“I’m with Oracle!” Ann says, leaning back over her seat to shoot Futaba a bright grin. “The two of us will work well together, you know?”

“...Oracle is support. She doesn’t fight.” Akira looks at her, baffled.

“You just want her all to yourself, you greedy bee boy.” Ann flicks her finger at Akira’s nose, but he scoots back to practically climb into Goro’s lap again to escape her long fingernails. “I think we should have Queen with us, too. She’s a heavy hitter.”

Akira is still wondering how he’s a greedy bee boy and what that means, going silent as he listens to the team talk. _Something feels off about this…_

“Skull should come with our team then, to balance for Oracle. He’s a heavy hitter too.” Makoto adjusts her rearview mirror to make eye-contact with Ryuji. It’s weirdly intense.

“Hell yeah! Let’s kick some ass!” He tries for a fist-bump.

Makoto does not reciprocate and just stares at his fist.

Ryuji subtly turns it into a fist-pump, but everyone saw it and now he’s going to be sulking in Mementos all night. “Bro,” he whispers to Akira, who feigns having lost hearing in both his ears.

Goro is watching everyone like it’s reality television. “I suppose that would leave Joker, myself, Fox, Noir, and Mona? Is no one seeing the problem with this? Namely that Oracle’s in the fighting line-up at all?”

“No, that seems fine with me…” Haru fidgets. “What do you think, Fox?” She rests a hand on his arm, staring up at him.

“Anywhere that is with Noir would be fine with me. We work in perfect harmony,” Yusuke says with a flourish, accidentally smacking Ryuji in the back of the head.

“Ow! Dude, not cool!” Ryuji rubs his head, frowning. “And I mean… it’s fine. You’ll be at a disadvantage with just Mona supporting you anyway.”

Mona growls, shaking everyone around in the bus as it reverberates like bass at a concert turned up to at least 110. “Don’t doubt my abilities, Skull. But no… I’m with Joker and-” He sounds pained. “Even Crow. This sounds wrong. Oracle is meant to support all of us. This is how we’ve done things before, and it always works out best in the end since her persona was built for out-of-combat work.”

Futaba twirls her hair around her finger. “I see no problem with it. You’re all getting lazy and just relying on me.” She kicks at the seat in front of her. “Even Inari seems fine with this. Why are you three being such wet blankets?”

“No one is relying on you,” Goro says, like a jerk.

“I rely on her,” Akira mutters. “She can heal me. You never heal me.”

“Do you not have your own healing abilities?” Goro asks scathingly. “Do you need someone to hold your hand through the entire Metaverse?”

Akira shrugs. “I’d probably let Fox hold my hand when we go into Mementos sometimes. It’s a scary place.”

Yusuke nods solemnly. “It is indeed, leader. It would be my honor to hold your hand.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Akira reaches back to try to hold hands with Yusuke, but Haru gives him a stare that makes him awkwardly pull his hand away.

Ann flips her hair and talks over them. “Mona just wants to be with me. That’s totally the only reason he’s against it.”

“Well, I do like working together with Lady Ann… but there’s something wrong about this! Why don’t you guys see it?” Morgana asks, confused. “Oracle is backup support. She doesn’t fight!”

“I kind of want to try using Panther’s whip,” Futaba comments.

“No,” Akira says, imagining Futaba cackling as she uses the whip incorrectly and hits all her teammates. “No. I’m making the teams because clearly your input is all off today. So listen up… here’s the plan.” He clasps his hands together prayerfully, hoping they’ll actually listen to him. “I’ll be fighting with Crow, Skull, and Panther. Noir, Mona, Queen, and Fox, you’re all working together.”

“I guess,” Ann huffs, crossing her arms. “At least Oracle will be guiding us. So it’s not a total loss.”

“I think this is a great set-up,” Haru says with a sweet smile.

“Joker, I respectfully disagree but we did put you in charge,” Makoto says, glancing at him with a look that says she’d like to attempt mutiny.

“You would probably be a better leader,” Akira agrees.

“I know I would.” Makoto turns her attention back to driving the Mona-Bus into an enemy, signaling for the first team to jump out and fight.

***

Akira slumps over onto his bed, burying his face in the blankets and enjoying their vaguely musty smell. Probably from the attic dust mites. “I missed this, Morgana. Solitude. Freedom from my friends who are all going crazy, apparently, and forgetting how fighting works!”

Morgana lands on Akira’s bed silently, pressing a claw into his back. “Stop being so lazy already. It is weird, though… Did you feel all the tension? There was something wrong. I can’t put my finger on it.”

“Your paw.”

“What?” Morgana scoots up so that they’re face to face, batting at Akira’s face until he turns so they’re looking at each other.

“You have paws, not fingers,” Akira elaborates helpfully.

Morgana delivers a spinning kick to Akira’s face, meowing angrily. “That’s not even the point! What’s going on with everyone? That shady Akechi guy is the only one making any sense lately… And hey, what’re you doing becoming so close to him anyway?”

Akira buries his face back in the blankets. “It’s just happening. I haven’t been doing much differently. I did get my fortune read earlier, though, and it mentioned something a bit weird.”

“What did it say?” Morgana asks, walking around and trying to find a good spot to lay in. He tucks his paws under his body.

“I think it mentioned time was like… weird. And that Goro and I are in a toxic relationship,” Akira says, trying hard to remember what he was told by Chihaya. His memories of the past few days feel weirdly thick like he’s trying to walk through molasses. He tries to push through it, straining his memory. “And there was The Lovers. That feels important, somehow.”

“I think you’re just horny,” Morgana says, closing his eyes to sleep.

Akira watches Morgana sleeping peacefully, then looks down to his phone. Something’s nagging at him that there’s more going on than he can see. He pulls out his phone and texts Goro to meet him at Big Bang Burger because he really wants a juicy burger right now. _Don’t want Goro so much, but needs must._

_uwu akira: meet me at big bang burger. i really want a juicy burger right now, goOOOOD._

_Gororo: What the fuck, Akira._

_uwu akira: please, i need u. to meet me. at big bang burger. at 11pm._

_Gororo: I’m coming, but this better be important. I’m a busy man._

_uwu akira: lolololol that is me totally laughing_

_uwu akira: shut up and meet me you prick_

***

Akira sits in a booth in Big Bang Burger, holding a juicy burger in both of his hands. “We meet again,” he informs his burger, ignoring the weird looks he’s getting from the staff.

“You’re talking to your burger. Should I ask why? Do I even want to know?” Goro asks, sliding into the booth across from him. He sips at his milkshake, clearly not willing to eat in the greasy establishment like some kind of stuffy prince.

“I need you,” Akira says, steamrolling over Goro while shoving the burger into his mouth. He eats as he says, “Waish, nosh wike-”

“Please swallow your food before pleading to me,” Goro says, rubbing his temples.

Akira swallows audibly. “Sorry, your highness,” he says snottily. “And I’m pleading to you because it strokes your enormous ego. I need you to help me understand why my entire team isn’t working as a team anymore. All I have are you and Morgana. This does not make a happy leader.”

Goro twirls the straw around in his drink, glancing out the window. “I wonder… things have been strange lately. Sometimes I feel like I’m living my days over, but that can’t be right. Each time, it becomes more distorted. I’m starting to wonder if I ever left Mementos since I entered.”

“Never left Mementos?” Akira asks, looking confused. “But… we just left. Goro…”

Goro shakes his head, glancing at him. “It’s nothing. I get stuck in my head too much.” He smiles his bland press smile. “So how can I help you today, Akira Kurusu? It’s unusual for you to beg me, especially when it comes to team dynamics. Our relationship is barely functional. After all, that team will soon be disbanded.”

“It doesn’t matter. We can’t go into Sae’s palace like this.” Akira frowns, eating the rest of his burger quickly. He starts eating the fries, dipping one in Goro’s milkshake. “They wanted Futaba to be a fighter. Futaba wanted to use a whip.”

Goro shudders. “Don’t talk about the last part ever again, please.”

Akira shudders, too. “Sorry. I know it’s hard to think about it. It hurts me, too.” He realizes they are supposed to be having a serious conversation. “Futaba can’t fucking fight. She tried to punch me once and fell on her face.”

“Sounds like Haru,” Goro says like the shady bitch he is. “But the problem seems to be stemming from the team itself, so why not ask them about it? Why come to me?”

Akira shrugs, glancing at him. “I feel weirdly drawn to you.” He considers what that sounds like and quickly backtracks. “And I have this plan where you peck them with your beak in the costume until they stop.”

Goro sips his milkshake loudly. “I’ll ignore that. You seem to enjoy making serious situations into jokes. Quite the joker, aren’t you?”

Akira grins widely at him. “That’s my name and my game. Nice to meet you.”

“...Charmed, I’m sure.” Goro sighs, looking at him. “I feel drawn to you as well. There, do you feel better about yourself?”

Akira feels his face heating up and searches for a way to make this conversation a lot less weird than it’s getting. “Yes, I feel great! I’m going to leave now!” He tries to get up and bangs his knee on the table. “Ow.” He sits back down heavily, rubbing his knee. “That hurt.”

“You are such a fool,” Goro says, surprisingly without much heat. If there is any affection there, it isn’t going to be noticed. Ever. “I think that anytime we get somewhere in the conversation, you try to escape it.”

Akira frowns. “I’m capable of having a serious conversation. Do you not see me? I am the most serious-looking guy ever.”

Goro is tellingly silent, looking at the table.

Akira pauses in the middle of his plans to fight Goro in the middle of a restaurant, glancing around. “Wait… Goro, look around.”

The tables are starting to become overgrown with red tendrils, climbing up table-legs. The walls are covered as well. All of them are pulsating faintly, glowing brighter and brighter.

“What in the world,” Goro mumbles, staring down at the red tendrils that are slowly climbing up their legs, “is happening? Why does it all feel so familiar?”

Akira’s watching the tendrils crawl up his torso, staring at them pulsating. “They’re sucking our energy dry… you can feel it, Goro, can’t you? This has happened before, hasn’t-”

The tendrils glow unbearably bright, tightening around Akira’s torso and taking his breath away. He tries to blink away the fuzziness in his vision, but between one blink and the next everything around him is gone.


	4. Day 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so it continues...  
> ^  
> axellite, this is not what i meant by iconic. what kind of suspense mechanism is this.

Akira lays on his bed staring up at his phone like it will solve all the problems in his life, like the chalk remnants still hiding in his hair somewhere. “Morgana, stop kneading me.”

Morgana continues to attack Akira’s doughy skin like a baker.

Akira stares off into the distance, internally crying. “Why?”

“You overslept and were late to school,” Morgana says, like this is an acceptable punishment.

“I had a weird dream.” Akira yawns. “Or… not a dream. I don’t know.” He decides not to talk more about this, lest Morgana thinks he’s nuttier than usual and tells the entire crew about it. He does not want another intervention like they had for all the weird flirting he does with Yusuke. He checks his phone, reading over the conversation.

_uwu akira: goro………….._

_Gororo: What is it now, Akira?_

_uwu akira: i feel like u and me are in this together, but i’m pulling all the weight on the conversation, humor, and charm. also on the good looks bc im a priceless beauty_

_Gororo: Please stop saying that you’re a priceless beauty._

_uwu akira: YUSUKE MAKES ME FEEL SPECIAL ;w;_

_Gororo: Nevermind that. What did you want from me? Come out with it. I’m a busy man._

_uwu akira: shut uuuuup lol you’re such a bitch. i want to explore mementos._

_Gororo: Should you not be sending this in the group chat?_

_uwu akira: i want to go in alone. with you. ;3c_

Goro does not respond for a very long length of time, which Akira spends laying upside down from his bed trying to see how long it takes until he gets dizzy.

Morgana swats at him after ten minutes of this, at which point Akira just sulks.

_Gororo: Why._

_uwu akira: bc i think you’re the most eligible bachelor in this fucking team! obviously! even tho yusuke is there, existing, being a cute art hoe. shut uuuuup i just need to get to the bottom of some weird things that you seem to also be involved in and they definitely don’t need to include your unnecessary flirtations goro akechi_

_Gororo: You have asked me to hold you before._

_uwu akira: what. no._

_Gororo: You’re hopeless. Yes, I will accompany you. And I am not using “unnecessary flirtations” because if I did, I would not be using them with you. Are we clear?_

_uwu akira: i didn’t ask that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Gororo: I’m going to close out this conversation. Meet me in half an hour exactly or I’m leaving and getting pancakes._

_uwu akira: without me?????_

_Gororo: Unnecessary flirtations, Akira. Goodbye._

Akira throws his phone across the room, but can’t throw well at all and watches it land in the soil of his potted plant with a dull, tragic thunk.

Morgana judges him.

***

Akira arrives ten minutes late, hair a mess and looking like he just rolled out of bed. “So before you yell at me, I just want to say that there was a slight fire-”

Goro stares at him with menace. “Oh? Do tell and waste more of my precious time.”

Akira runs a hand through his hair, looking at him as he mentally runs through some options for what to say.

_ > “Drag me harder!” _  
_ > “Sorry, what? I can’t hear you. The explosion destroyed my eardrums.” _  
_ > “...Meow?” _

He’s so busy considering them that the last one just slips out. “...Meow?” he responds, like this is an answer.

Goro slowly pulls up his phone, then presses the button on the app to allow the world to shift around them. Mementos takes shape in complete and total judgemental silence.

Akira looks around Mementos, stepping up beside Goro so that they’re standing side by side. “Jokes aside…”

“Joker,” Goro says, testily, as he’s well aware that was a joke around his codename.

“As I was saying!” Akira swats at him, stepping further into Mementos without so much as looking behind him. “We have to be careful. Mementos is not really great for just two people and we’re going to have to move slower without Mona.” He turns back around so he’s facing Goro, walking backwards. “But I came prepared! I brought the Holy Grail.”

“...You brought energy drinks, didn’t you?” Goro asks, pinching his nose. “Do you know how bad those are for you?”

Akira blinks like this honestly never occurred to him. “No,” he says slowly, nearly tripping over a piece of the railway.

Goro catches his arm, watching Akira flail his arms wildly trying to keep balance despite the stabilizing touch. “I thought so.” He uses his hold on Akira’s arm to pull him closer. “But… I have this odd feeling in here,” he says, looking down into Akira’s eyes.

Akira starts sweating beneath his mask, staring back into Goro’s eyes. He feels kind of like he might have had some bad rice lately with the way his stomach’s churning. _Boss, you poisoned me…_ “Odd feeling?” he repeats like a broken record.

“Yes,” Goro says, leaning closer. He quickly peers past Akira’s shoulder, glancing around. “We’re being watched. Or so my instincts say.”

Akira stares past Goro’s head into the depths of Mementos, George Michael’s Careless Whisper echoing in his head. “Oh.” The music screeches to a halt, as do a lot of Akira’s mental functions as he considers the fact that he wanted Goro all up in his grill. “That sucks.”

Goro leans back, scrutinizing Akira. “Could you at least pretend to take this seriously?”

Akira takes a few steps away from him to gain some much desired distance. “Aye, aye, captain, this is me pretending to take this seriously.” He glances around, frowning. “Though now that you mention it… I’ve had this feeling it might not be good to expose my back to the enemy.”

“And you proceeded to expose your back to the enemy,” Goro says, looking like he’d rather be anywhere else in the world than here. 

Akira rubs the back of his neck, starting to walk again. “You were right there. I didn’t think you’d let a shadow get the sneak on me unless you were feeling especially petty.”

“I’m starting to feel especially petty,” Goro says cheerily, slapping him on the shoulder and stepping ahead to take point. “Follow me. I have a much stronger arsenal of skills at my disposal.”

Akira stomps after Goro, annoyed that his leadership role is being usurped even though he is well aware he tends to suck as a leader. All those days he skipped out on going into the Metaverse to relax at the bathhouse and scrub a dub dub are really kicking his ass right now…

Goro keeps walking, glancing around. “It’s strange… there don’t appear to be any enemies around us… I can’t get a map of this formed in my head particularly well, either.”

Akira stares at a patch of the wall like it’s going to hold some deeper meaning. It isn’t. “We would need Oracle or Mona for that, but right now I don’t know if I can trust either of them. These aren’t the friends I’ve been working hard with… They act the same most of the time, but there’s just-” He goes silent.

“You have an odd feeling,” Goro finishes for him, “that something’s not quite right. This is what I’ve been trying to tell you for a long time.” He stops walking, glancing back at him. “For example… we have walked the exact same route twice just now. We’re going in circles. I don’t feel like I can make it through to progress through another floor at this rate and there’s still no enemies around.”

Akira brushes past him with a smug smile. “Because you’re trying to lead. I’ll completely solve this problem you’re having of being unable to tell your right from your left, Crow, so don’t you worry your pretty little head about it.”

There is a long pause as both of them stare at each other at the flirtation, Akira mentally melting into a puddle of self-loathing and Goro looking distinctly unimpressed.

“Unnecessary flirtations again, Joker? Really?” Goro raises an eyebrow at him.

Akira walks faster, wishing he had decided to bring Yusuke in here with him instead. “I live and breathe awkwardly flirtatious statements,” he says, a bit irritated as he takes in their surroundings. “It’s still the same,” he mumbles, staring at the exact same wall he’d found earlier. “Why is this…? We can’t even go down one more floor?”

“You didn’t solve the problem,” Goro points out, like the absolute prick he is. “As the only one here who can think for long periods of time, I’d like to suggest that we give up on further exploration. Tiring ourselves out with an unknowable problem will not do anything for us besides lead to frustration.”

Akira rests a hand on the wall, staring at the tendrils running along it. They don’t move an inch, but he feels like they should be digging into his skin right now. He reaches for them.

Goro slaps his hand away from the tendrils. “Joker, we’re leaving,” he says testily and turns around, starting to lead the way back from where they’d come in the first place.

Akira hesitates, glancing down to the red tendrils. They almost look like they’re pulsating, alive, reaching out for him.

“Joker!” Goro calls out, his voice becoming slighter with the distance between them.

Akira closes his eyes, feeling exhausted suddenly. He reopens them, seeing that the red tendrils haven’t moved an inch from their place on the wall. “Coming,” he says, uneasily glancing around before hurrying to follow Goro out of Mementos. Somehow it feels like if he doesn’t leave now, he won’t be leaving at all.

***

As soon as he exits Mementos, Akira immediately forgets all of his problems and says something stupid. “Leeeeet’s have a slumber party!”

“No,” Goro says, without hesitation. “I don’t want you in my house.” He glances around the subway station for only a second before heading off into its depths, fully prepared to leave Akira alone and unloved. 

_Is this how Morgana feels?_ Akira ignores that thought to chase after Goro, back on his bullshit.

“I let you in mine,” Akira insists, “And if we hang out at your place, Morgana won’t be there. We can talk about it without having to filter ourselves.”

“As if you’ve ever had a filter in your life,” Goro mutters pissily, like a pissy little boy. Akira is delighted to see him visibly experience all seven stages of grief before responding. “Fine, but there will be rules. One, don’t break anything. Two, don’t steal anything. Three, don’t touch anything. Four, don’t lick anything-”

“That’s just cruel. Rule four, I mean.” Akira follows him through the crowded station, boarding the train to wherever the hell Goro lives. 

It occurs to him suddenly that he has no clue where Goro lives. It is very possible that he lives in a shack like Madarame.

“Goro, do you live in a shack like Madarame?” Akira whispers, like a stealthy Phantom Thief. 

Goro stares back at him like he’s never been more disappointed in his entire life. 

Akira feels encouraged by the lack of support, appreciation, and worship, so he continues to verbally dig his own grave. “I don’t want tetanus from your shack.”

Goro gets up and walks over to a separate part of the train to sit by himself for the rest of the ride.

***

Akira sits on Goro’s leather couch, staring at the dying potted plant in the corner of the room. It’s a cactus. _How did Goro Akechi kill his cactus?_

He considers his options.

_ > “Goro. You are never allowed into my town in Animal Crossing.” _  
_ > “I’ll be your plant’s sugar daddy.” _  
_ > “I’m going to yeet this cactus out the window.” _

He says none of these things, because he values his life. “So…” he trails off, realizing Goro has a fridge that spits out ice cubes and a Smart TV. He decides Goro is rich. “I’m gonna lick your rich person fridge.”

“Get out of my house,” Goro says, collapsing onto the couch next to him. He nudges Akira’s legs from where he’s manspreading. “Make room, you pest.”

It is at this point Akira realizes he’s cuddling his enemy on the couch. He decides to go big or go home, plastering himself to Goro’s side and resting his head on his shoulder. “I’m not touching your things, so this is fine.”

Goro’s face goes through a variety of expressions, finally landing on resignation. “I suppose there are worse things that could be happening in my life right now. Not many of them, but there are at least two. Now, onto the matter of Mementos. What could it mean that we’re stuck at this specific area? What could cause this sort of block? Do you know?”

Akira tries to remember what Morgana said to him besides all of the useless nagging, bedtime setting, and vicious kicks to the head which didn’t actually involve words but still hurt very much. He says, “From what I know of Mementos, the only reason there should be a wall or blockage involves the cognitive beliefs of the public in the Phantom Thieves… well, the lack of it. There is no reason that we shouldn’t be able to progress, because we’ve done nothing different from last time when we entered that would make the public suddenly lose belief in us.” He pauses, making a face. “Great, I feel like Morgana now with my exposition. Is this the part where I tell you to go to bed and claw at you?”

Goro sighs through his nose, his eyebrows slanting down in irritation. “We’re not talking about your fixation on becoming a cat like your companion. The main issue is that we have no clue what we’re up against, who we’re up against, or why your friends are behaving so oddly. All we’ve succeeded in doing is bicker uselessly, which we can do without wasting our time failing miserably in the Metaverse.”

Akira says, “At least I look good in black. Really good. Like, really really good-”

Goro silences him with a palm over his mouth. “Yes, I realize you’re very attracted to yourself. Was the point of you coming here just to annoy me?” 

Akira shakes his head. “I was actually thinking that this would prove something to me about those tendrils.” He glances up at Goro. “What time is it?”

Goro raises an eyebrow, about to respond, when red tendrils come up from beneath the couch, climbing up their legs. “You predicted this would happen,” he says. “Good job. I’ve known for much longer. I think we can’t explore Mementos because we are in Mementos. If the illusion is real enough, it is possible to trick us into believing what we are experiencing truly is real. This is our cognition merging with our reality.”

“Then how do we get out?” Akira asks.

Goro shrugs. “I haven’t gotten that far, actually. A bit stuck on the part where I’m stuck looping through the same day with you of all people. A horrifying prospect.” As he talks, the tendrils continue creeping their way up their bodies. “But that leaves you with a question… are there cognitive doubles of your friends, or are the other Phantom Thieves as real as us?”


	5. Day 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter coming ur way!! pls note that this one's a little rushed bc shivadyne started up classes again, so if you see any errors just let us know!

Akira sits in class, staring at the back of Ann’s head. _Is she a cognitive double…? How can I tell? The cognition would be different from the real Ann, wouldn’t it?_ He can hear Mr. Ushimaru droning on in the distance, but the words don’t even register. He pulls out his phone under the desk, drafting a text to Goro.

_uwu akira: goro you can’t just infodump on a guy and then leave_

_Gororo: Oh? Is that not what you enjoy doing as well, though?_

_uwu akira: okay yes but i’m handsome so it doesn’t matter_

_Gororo: Akira. Get to the point of messaging me. I’m at work._

_uwu akira: we need an excuse to watch my friends like lab rats_

_Gororo: Excuse me?_

_uwu akira: u said they might be cognitive doubles!!!!_

_Gororo: Why do I have to be there?_

_uwu akira: bc u hate all of my friends and will be objective_

_Gororo: I do not hate all of your friends._

_uwu akira: ryuji_

_Gororo: ...Hm. He is one of your friends. And I can’t say I like him, but that does not mean I hate all of your friends._

_uwu akira: translation i hate ryuji and i think he stinks and i hope he steps on a lego everyday for the rest of his life_

_Gororo: I am not doing this with you. What is your plan?_

_uwu akira: we go to dome town. i promise you’ll like it. because…_

_Gororo: Stop._

_uwu akira: PANCAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Gororo: Fine. But you’re paying._

He looks up from the phone, only to watch the chalk come flying right for him again. _Fuck._

***

Akira arrives at Dome Town, carrying Morgana in his bag. “I think we just need a day to relax,” he lies to Morgana, like a lying liar who lies. He does this often without regret so that he can be hanging out at the arcade, the bathhouse, the movie theater, Big Bang Burger, the batting cages… _I’m a bad leader._ “I mean, especially Goro and Ryuji. They kind of remind me of feral raccoons fighting each other outside at night.”

“When have you ever seen a feral raccoon in your life?” Morgana accuses Akira, rightfully. “And I don’t think this is going to help them bond. Don’t try to stick them on a rollercoaster together.”

Akira smiles like the picture of innocence he is. “Me? That idea never crossed my mind.”

Morgana gives him a hateful stare. The silence hurts.

Ann calls out to them, waving. “Hey, you, over here!” She’s got an arm around Futaba, who looks like she’s gotten ten shades paler from being in a crowd.

Futaba reaches down to the ground, picking up the doll mascot head sitting on the ground near her and putting it onto her head. “It’s too hot for this,” she complains.

“Then take that off, silly!” Ann laughs, then gestures to Yusuke and Haru who are standing close together observing a food stand. “Those two made it here… I haven’t seen Ryuji or Goro yet, though… you don’t think they found each other and started a fight, do you?”

As if on cue, Goro and Ryuji walk up towards the group. Ryuji’s gesturing wildly, looking like a pissed off hedgehog, and Goro’s raising a single eyebrow higher and higher as this goes on.

Akira quickly gets between them. “You both made it!”

Ryuji grins. “Hey, dude! You’ll never believe what Goro was saying about you. You’re gonna wish you didn’t invite him, like, 100%.”

“I would like to uninvite myself at this point,” Goro says tiredly, running a hand down his face. “People are already starting to recognize me. A bunch of girls saw me and asked for a photo. Seeing as we are often together lately, they asked about you.”

“And he said you’re his stalker!” Ryuji flails his arms around, smacking Akira in the head.

“Ow,” Akira says, staring at Goro. He thinks over a variety of responses he could say to this wrongful, cruel accusation.

> _“I don’t stalk male detective princes. Haven’t you heard of Naoto Shirogane? Way better stalking option.”_  
> _“I stole some of your hair and I made a doll out of it.”_  
> _“You’ve got it all wrong! Morgana’s the one stalking you, but I’m forced to come along because he can’t get on the train without me!”_

Akira wisely says none of them, looking up at the roller coaster. “You two should ride that together. Romantically.”

Morgana reaches a paw out and bats at Akira’s shoulder hard. “Akira! No!”

Ryuji backs up from Goro, wide-eyed. “Dude! Ew! Don’t even joke. That shit’s traumatizin’.”

Goro crosses his arms. “I really don’t want to be here.”

Makoto is the last to arrive, glancing around at the group forming. She’s unimpressed. “...I really hope this will go well, but somehow I feel like we won’t be doing much besides fulfill Ann’s sweet-tooth.”

“Sooooo… how’re we all gonna ride this thing?” Ann asks, looking between everyone. “I know Futaba doesn’t want to ride it, so I’ll probably just buy us some stall food and we’ll hang out waiting for you somewhere with less people!”

Futaba is on the ground, crouching, and muttering hysterically to herself. It’s all gibberish that no one can understand.

“Is she speaking Simlish?” Ryuji asks, eying her on the ground. “Damn… maybe we shouldn’t’ve brought her here…”

Ann nods, yanking Futaba to her feet. “Yeah, I think this was probably a bad idea! Akira, you gotta think this through better next time! So… we’ll be off. Morgana, you wanna come with?”

Akira feels something akin to betrayal when Morgana starts scurrying around in his bag, searching for freedom. “Anything for you, Lady Ann!” He sighs and holds the bag out, watching Ann pluck it out of his hands with a smile. She wraps her arm around Futaba’s shoulders again, steering her over towards one of the table areas.

Akira watches them go, trying to tell if Futaba speaking Simlish means she’s a cognitive double. He isn’t sure because he feels like Futaba has spoken Simlish to him before. “...Goro,” he whispers. “I think my plan is failing.”

“Oh, you just noticed?” Goro asks, his eyes saying that he’s laughing at him and then his mouth saying that he’s laughing at him too because he’s literally laughing at him.

Akira stalks off towards the rollercoaster. “I’m going to die on this coaster. No one talk to me.”

Behind Akira’s back, everyone except for Goro puts their fingers on their noses. “Not it!” they all taunt Goro in whispered voices.

Ryuji pats Goro on the back. “Go get ‘em, pancake boy.”

Goro glares at Ryuji, thoroughly hating all of them at this moment. “Fine. Since you’re all willing to sacrifice your dearest friend,” he starts.

“Easily,” Makoto says with a shrug. “He likes to be dramatic. It’s best to let it happen.”

“And think it’s fine to stick him with the one who is blackmailing you into working together,” Goro continues, stubborn to the end.

“Akira likes to be blackmailed into doing things,” Yusuke offers, licking his ice cream cone at Haru’s side.

“For some reason… we haven’t figured it out yet,” Haru mumbles, staring down at her own cone with a confused expression.

“...I give up. I’m going.” Goro sighs, questioning Akira’s sanity as he follows after him. He jogs to catch up to him, offering a pleasant smile. “I’ve elected to join you on this rollercoaster.”

Akira turns to Goro, narrowing his eyes. “You lost again at the nose goes game… didn’t you?” he accuses.

Goro avoids eye contact, staring up at the rollercoaster. In a loud voice, he says, “I just love these sorts of rides, ahaha! Don’t you?”

Half of the line turns to look at Goro and Akira, pulling out their phones since the teen heartthrob is around.

Akira casually steps behind Goro to avoid a majority of the camera flashes. “...I think I hate you,” he says, rubbing at his eye. “Just a little bit. You’re very mean to me.”

“You’ve just now realized this?” Goro asks, though he keeps on his pleasant smile.

_I’m unfollowing you on Twitter, you bastard…_ Akira stares down at the ground, wishing he was an ant. And that his anthill was being crushed right now. “I want to go home,” he complains.

“You brought us here. Now at least pretend to enjoy yourself on this rollercoaster and buy me some pancakes.” Goro waits patiently in line, smiling his press smile for any photos being taken and waving at a couple of the girls giggling at him.

“I refuse,” Akira says, standing by him. “I’m going to buy the pancakes and then eat them myself!”

***

Akira’s pulling the yen out of his wallet for Goro’s pancakes as he stands in line, glaring at Goro’s back from where he’s seated with the rest of his friends chatting with them. He pays for the jerk’s food, carrying it over along with his steak skewer. “Here you go, pancake boy,” he says.

Ryuji laughs because he thinks he’s so cool for making up that mocking nickname. “Yeah! Enjoy it, pancake boy,” he says, glancing at Makoto seated beside him.

Makoto, to everyone’s shock, laughs at Ryuji’s taunts. “Oh, Ryuji, you’re hilarious,” she says.

“They’re cognitive doubles,” Akira hurriedly whispers into Goro’s ear as he takes his spot next to him, furiously eating his steak skewer and stuffing his face like Hamtaro on a mission. “Makoto never finds Ryuji hilarious.”

Ryuji burps loudly.

Makoto scoots away from him, scowling again.

Akira whispers, “Nevermind, false alarm.”

Goro takes a bite of his pancakes, smiling winningly. “I truly don’t care either way, to be honest with you.”

Akira narrows his eyes. “You’re such an asshole…” He sighs, scooting to sit closer to Goro so he can lean up and whisper in his ear. “Okay, I give up. You’re way too smug about this. Do you have a plan?”

Everyone is staring at Akira leaning up to whisper into Goro’s ear like he’s lost his mind.

Goro glances at the entire group, then to Akira. He mutters, “No. But watching you slowly losing your mind over this is enough to keep me in a pleasant state of mind. I’m a sadist, you know.”

Akira slowly edges away from Goro, trying to act natural. He knocks his entire steak skewer onto Goro’s lap in the process as he tries to naturally rest his elbow on the table and sends the plate flying. “Oops.”

Goro stares down at the steak skewer in his lap, face turning red with fury.

“I think… I’m gonna run away now,” Akira whispers to Ryuji, who nods at him in agreement.

Goro grabs Akira’s wrist. He has a menacing smile on his face. “Well, you can pay for my train fare home. Come on now.”

Akira sends Ryuji a look begging for mercy.

Ryuji checks his pockets and realizes he left his wallet at home. He shrugs and mouths, “Sorry, bro.”

Goro drags Akira away from the table, as the rest of the group tosses out a chorus of “Goodbye”s and “Don’t die!”s.

***

Goro walks into the train station, glancing back at Akira. “Good acting, with that steak skewer,” he compliments him.

Akira gives a wide, fake smile and slowly, jerkily nods. He contemplates what he could say here.

> _“I learned from Ann. She taught me every fake laugh, weird tone, and uncomfortable eye contact rule.”_  
> _“I’m always acting. I’m the Joker! Haven’t you seen my method acting in The Cake Knight Rises?”_  
> _“Za woka genava!”_

“I knew you’d want to talk to me away from them,” Akira lies. He’s glad he does this enough that everyone believes him.

“Yes, and it’s good timing. Morgana isn’t with you either.” Goro inspects his watch, checking the time. “We have a few hours left… until it happens again. Akira, I think we need to do some research on what could be causing this. Meet me at Leblanc after school tomorrow. I have some books we can use on demons and mythological creatures that could be lurking within Mementos, forcing us into this situation…”

“Okay. Sounds like a plan.” Akira looks down at his hand, then at Goro’s hand. He blinks as a natural defense against what could be emotional development. “Can you let go of my hand now?”

Goro releases his hand quickly, a blush rising to his face. “O-of course! My apologies… I was simply trying to make sure you wouldn’t escape, as you were fighting quite hard to make sure that everyone believed your acting.”

“Right… my acting,” Akira agrees, staring down at his freed hand now. “Goro. This is really awkward. Can you get on your train now?”

Goro backs away slowly towards the train. “That is the plan… I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Akira just awkwardly nods, making some plans to spend his remaining hours suffocating himself with his pillow and making some muted screaming noises. “See you tomorrow.”


	6. Day 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we r back and we bring the gays. but also more importantly this might not get updated every week from here on out but like... it's a wip! here is how good we r at staying on task btw: 

Akira sits at a table in Leblanc, staring out the window and watching the same passerby trip over a rock just like he did the past loop he was here after school. He wonders if he should be getting tired of this by now, turning to Morgana to comment on it only to remember that he’d suggested his feline friend visit Futaba. “Friendzoned again,” he mumbles to himself, just as Goro steps through the door.

Goro’s carrying so many books in his arms it looks like he must’ve burnt down half a forest to get all that paper. “Akira,” he says, vaguely irritably, “are you going to sit there and stare at me or help me with these books?”

Akira does not move an inch. “Stare. Definitely stare.”

Goro sighs a long, drawn-out noise of the dearly dramatic. He tosses the books down onto the table, sitting down across from him and clearly trying to check if any of his hair is out of place. “I forgot that Leblanc is still open at this hour somehow,” he mutters, glancing at a customer who stares right back.

“It’ll be fine. That guy just sits there sipping his tea and watching television for about an hour before heading home.” Akira drags one of the books over towards him, reading the title. “The World of Classical Myth. You really did check out every single book from the library for this, didn’t you?”

Goro smiles his press smile, clearly bothered. “This is my personal collection, actually. Consider it a strange interest, but I’ve always found Greek mythology interesting so a majority of the books will follow along with it.” He stares down at one book. “Though I also find myself fond of Norse mythology, but I don’t trust you around the books I have on that. You’d likely spill coffee all over the book and yourself the minute I took my eyes off you.”

Akira reaches up to lower his glasses down onto the tip of his nose, fluttering his eyelashes at him. “You want to keep your eyes on me that bad?”

Goro waits patiently, flipping through the pages of one of the books and glancing up occasionally for Akira to realize he’s doing the flirting thing again.

Akira stares back at Goro, awkwardly pushing his glasses back up properly onto his face and trying to sink down below the table. “I’m… gonna go…”

“No, you aren’t,” Goro says easily, kicking at him under the table in what must be an act of cruelty.

_> “Just watch me. I’m going to go ghost and walk right through this wall out of here.”_  
_> “I’m going to stage a scene. Coffee, meet sweater Akechi. Your newest buddy.”_  
_> “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”_

After he finishes the last mental scream, Akira claws his way up to be sitting at the table like a normal person again. He takes a sip of his coffee and smiles the smile of the completely fucked, sweating a bit because the way Sojiro is aggressively wiping down the table means his rice next time might be laced with poison on top of being clumpy. “No, I’m not. This is me, staying.”

Goro rolls his eyes, turning the page of the book towards him. “I’ve found as much as I could on Sisyphus, of course, due to the nature of our time looping. The day has not changed once since I last checked… oh, I don’t know, five loops ago?” He points towards it. “However, it does not seem to be giving much in the form of results.”

Akira leans half of his body onto the table to try to look at what Goro’s showing him instead of pulling it closer to him. “I think that this seems kind of fucked,” he says.

“Akira,” Goro says, testily. “Focus.”

Akira’s third eye opens, making his vision flicker with hints of gold. “I’m focusing. Did you know that I could climb on top of the counter and use the ceiling lights to monkey bar myself into the attic as a smooth get-away?”

Goro is not amused. “Stop doing that. I know you think you’re funny, but you’ve seriously misjudged that ability.”

“Fine… you want me to focus?” He flips through the pages of the book, ignoring the way that Goro’s eying him like a bug that needs squashed. “I think we should focus on these types of people,” he points at pages centering around fertility. “Because, Goro Akechi, I want to have your babies.”

Goro looks like he’d really enjoy shooting Akira right about now. “No.”

Akira laughs nervously, really not wanting to push up the schedule of Goro shooting his brains out. “Joking! I’m joking! I don’t even know what mpreg is.”

Goro rolls his eyes at that. “I don’t want to know anything about your free time.” He goes to turn the page, then glances down at it. “...Hm… though I do wonder… if we are basing this off of the belief that this is a big joke being played on us… and we are being forced together… maybe it’s the work of a trickster type? Such as Pan or Sisyphus? It seems we’ve come right back full circle.”

Akira reaches across the table to close the book. “I don’t think this is helping,” he says honestly. “I have more questions than answers. But I am being reminded of this tarot reading I got…”

“I honestly don’t care,” Goro says, feeling a bit pissy that his entire research plan isn’t going in the direction he thought it would. “Our best bet is to assume we’re dealing with a trickster shadow. One that’s powerful enough to be able to hold us in time, or make us think that we’re being held in time at the very least… We need to be careful.” He frowns. “And we also need to return to Mementos. Perhaps if we attempt to bargain with the one keeping us here, we’ll receive a response.”

“You just want to fight whoever stuck us here together. We’re being forced to bond and you’re dying inside every second it happens.” Akira smirks, smug in the fact that he’s the most unbearable person on the planet.

Goro remains tellingly silent for a long amount of time. “...I just want out of this situation,” he says after a moment. “Don’t you?” He frowns, staring down at the table.

Akira instantly feels like the biggest jerk since Kamoshida. “I… of course I do, Goro. And we are going to get out of it. I’ll get us out of it. I promise.” He smiles when Goro looks up at him disbelievingly. “And I know it’s hard to believe, but when your leader is saying he’s going to save the day you just have to smile and nod or I’ll kick you off the roster for Morgana.”

Goro gives him the most offended and angry look anyone can humanly give. “For your cat?”

“He’s not a cat,” Akira says with a serene smile. “So if that’s your only objection, it seems that you will be taking some time to enjoy the scenery for a while as Morgana joins the front line team.”

Goro sighs, glancing around Leblanc. “...This place is becoming a permanent fixture in my days,” he says, clearly trying to change the subject. “Shall we rectify that?”

Akira drops the subject like the subject is a bag full of angry Morganas. With rabies. He imagines that for a solid few minutes as Goro stares at him waiting for a response. “Oh! Hanging out… together… alone… just you and me… together… alone…”

Goro glances away, brushing at his hair awkwardly. “I’ll just go home. Forget it.”

Akira shoots out of his seat, startling the customer who is just trying to drink his tea in peace. He grabs Goro’s hands, physically holding him in place. “Wait!”

Goro attempts to physically resemble a flamingo with his embarrassed blush. “Akira, release me right this second or I’m going to-”

“I’m doing it, I’m doing it, so don’t kill me.” Akira releases him right this second. “I was just going to suggest we see a movie!”

Goro wastes no time wiping his hands off on his pants. “A movie…?”

Akira nods, casually shoving his hands in his pockets so they won’t act on their own again without his explicit permission. _Timeout, bitches._ “Yeah… there’s a place down in Shibuya that’s pretty fun. You probably already know about it, though.”

Goro stands up, glancing away from him. “I… haven’t had the time to go see a movie,” he lies, like a lonely liar. “And I’ve never saw a reason to before. If you want to watch a movie, lead the way. I don’t have much else to do if we’re not going to break the loop again.”

Akira mentally fist pumps at making progress on his Socializing Akechi stat, which he doesn’t have yet but he’s sure will be added once he ranks him up in it. “Leave it to me,” he says, trying to sound cool but mostly sounding like a dork.

***

Akira stands in line next to Goro, staring up at their movie options. “It seems like we can either watch The Glowing or Outside In.” He glances over to him, tilting his head. “Do you have a preference or…?”

Goro, clearly having something to prove, instantly says, “The Glowing, obviously. A horror movie ranks far higher above a children’s movie… although I do wonder… are you old enough to be watching this one?” He raises a perfectly plucked eyebrow as he delivers that sick ageist burn.

Akira feels offended. “I’m 16. It’s a R15+ movie.” He flails an arm towards the rating. “Are you trying to say I look 14 to you?”

Goro, who is so mature and exactly a year older, shrugs a shoulder. “It’s a possibility.”

The girl standing at the ticket counter watches them have UST awkwardly. “Hello…? C-could you please pay for your tickets, sirs?”

Akira pulls out his wallet, slamming yen down on the counter. “Two tickets for The Glowing please.” He smiles as charmingly as he can while internally crying because Goro is a mean, mean bully.

The girl accepts the yen, appearing a bit shaken up. “Of course, sir… would it be strange to ask if you’re Goro Akechi?” she asks Goro.

Goro aims his press smile at her and it’s a direct hit to her heart. “That would be me, of course. Would you like my signature?”

Akira grabs the tickets, quickly power-walking into the theater to grab popcorn and drinks because he thinks he might choke on all the ego in the area. _Gross…_

***

Akira sits in his seat, munching on his popcorn. It’s so buttery he could and would die for it. He glances over to Goro as he devotes his life to an overpriced movie theater snack, watching the scene where the leading actor Zack uses a rake to break the door down. “How is that even possible?”

Goro, who is chuckling to himself as the lead actress Mindy screams in terror, glances towards him. “I don’t think it’s meant to be possible. That’s the point of horror, isn’t it?”

Akira wonders if Goro needs help because he finds a horror movie funny. “The point is to be scared.” He frowns at the movie. “Which… I am.” He shudders, not wanting to think about the bathtub scene again.

“You’re joking,” Goro says, glancing over to him. He pauses. “...Ah. You’re actually scared.”

Akira nods, actually scared. Just so it’s made aware.

Goro yawns and throws his arm around the back of Akira’s seat like some kind of baller. “That’s pathetic. I can’t believe you’re afraid of a movie with ghosts, words spelled backwards in English, and whatever that scene with the elevator of blood was meant to be.”

Akira can’t believe he cares, feeling his brain finally get some serotonin for the first time. “I just think that it would be scary to see an elevator open and blood pours out,” he argues, reasonably in his opinion. “Or to head into the bathroom to cheat on your wife with what turns out to be a ghost.”

Goro shakes his head. “All that this tells me is that he shouldn’t have cheated on his wife in the first place. Perhaps it’s karma. I fully believe Zack deserved everything that’s come to him, including his insanity.”

Akira nods slowly, wondering once again how he can introduce Goro kindly to his school therapist.

Goro drops his arm down around Akira’s shoulders, like a smooth Phantom Thief or something. “I’ll admit that I didn’t believe this film would be enjoyable, but it seems that I was wrong… Watching you shake in terror has been almost as fun as watching true crime videos on YouTube.”

Akira leans into Goro’s arm, resting his head on his shoulder. _This is so romantic._ He pauses, realizing that he’s literally on a movie date with Goro Akechi without kicking and screaming. He tenses. “...Goro, what if one of us is a cognitive double too?” he asks abruptly.

Goro snatches some of Akira’s popcorn instead of getting his own like a douche. “Highly unlikely,” he says. “Your idiocy is hard to replicate. And much as I hate to say it, we’ve been angrily flirting since we stopped pretending to be polite to each other.”

Akira thinks back over their past interactions, unable to deny that they were in fact flirting like two individuals incapable of actual, real flirting. “...So… wanna make out?”

Goro sighs. “No, Akira, I do not want to make out in a public movie theater. And somehow, it’s occurring to me with your lack of filter that you’ll be reacting in complete horrified shame in… 3… 2… 1…”

Akira buries his face as far into Goro’s stupid sweater’s fabric as it can go, making the noises of a man who has truly felt real shame. “It’s very hard to be cool and flirty,” he says, face the color of Mementos. He feels very on brand. “You don’t understand the life of Akira Kurusu.”

Goro pats Akira on the head, watching the movie with intense focus. “There, there. You’ll stop feeling extremely uncomfortable and regretful in a few minutes of me ignoring how ridiculous you act.”

Akira feels condescended to. “I feel condescended to,” he informs Goro.

Goro checks his watch. “Don’t worry, you’ll stop feeling much of anything in a few moments. It seems the late night movie trend does carry on into midnight.” He glances down as the tendrils slowly ascend from beneath their seats, climbing up their legs. “We have our own horror movie to worry about.”

Akira pulls back to inspect the tendrils, feeling a bit bummed out. “They’re ruining our romantic moment, Goro,” he says, deeply upset.

“Akira, you ruined it yourself,” Goro says, covering his mouth with his palm as the tendrils make their way further upward. He waits patiently as he’s wrapped in them, wincing when they begin to constrict and everything begins to fade out once more.


	7. Day 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well.... this took a turn. aka it got rlly long rlly quick but it's been a while and we're nearing the end so hopefully you guys don't mind...!! we still got one chapter left... enjoy!! (also if there are any errors pls tell us. also also shivadyne is convinced she cannot write fight scenes so please yell at her in the comments bc i think she did gr8 thanks xo)

Akira walks through the hallways after class, glancing around as he goes. He sees Ryuji leaning against the same wall as always in the corner by the stairwell, but oddly enough Makoto’s standing there next to him. He watches the two of them talk, seeing Makoto slip closer and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. He realizes suddenly she’s blushing. “What the fuck,” he whispers to Morgana, who looks equally disgusted.

Morgana ducks back lower into the bag Akira’s holding. “Lady Ann visited Futaba before school… they were very close while playing video games in her room…” He seems almost heart-broken. “Futaba even sat on her lap so they could play something called Coalbuild.”

Akira steps outside, having taken much larger footsteps than his usual lazy gait to get outside and away from Makoto’s heart eyes. He wonders how the fuck Morgana snuck out in the morning to go spy on Futaba in the first place. “Don’t even talk to me about that. That’s like thinking about my little sister dating or something…” He shudders.

Morgana squawks as they both notice Yusuke and Haru kissing. “...There is something very wrong here,” the cat-who-is-not-a-cat says.

Akira pauses in the middle of his confusion. “Do you think they’d stop kissing to make me one of the flower crowns they’re wearing?” he asks conversationally. Before Morgana can stop him, he’s making his way towards the two. “Hey.”

Yusuke pulls back from Haru, a faint blush on his cheeks. He isn’t sure how to act natural, so he tries to lay down on the ground and shimmy away from the situation into a nearby bush.

Akira watches him crawl awkwardly into the bush in complete silence.

Morgana coughs from inside the bag.

Haru seems to be turning the same color as her favorite rose. “Ah… hello, Akira… Morgana… what do we have the pleasure of speaking to you about?”

Akira watches Yusuke rustle in the bush, staring at his long limbs sticking out because he can’t completely fit in fascination. “I wanted to know if you could make me a flower crown,” he says, not realizing the social error he’s just committed.

Yusuke hisses from within the bushes, slowly crawling back out with twigs in his hair and a spot of red on his arm from where it pricked him. “Ah… so you appreciate the art of flower crowns as well,” he says, seeming to have composed himself somewhere between crawling into the bush and then being unable to completely fit considering he’s the tallest member they have. “They are admirable, are they not? Haru helped me properly weave mine.” He adjusts it on his head. “We would be happy to help you, but…” He exchanges weird, heated glances with Haru. “Perhaps at a later date?”

Akira glances between them, really wanting to push for his flower crown as soon as possible but Morgana reaches a paw out and swipes hard at his arm with claws out. He winces and steps back. “Of course. See you guys later? I have plans anyway… I think…”

Haru looks at him with murder in her eyes. “You better have plans,” she says in a pleasant tone at war with her expression.

Akira scuttles away like a crab, but he walks normally. Just on an emotional level, he feels like a crab scuttling away. “That was weird, right?” he asks Morgana.

Morgana nods. “Really weird. And Akechi’s been blowing up your phone, just so you know.”

Akira stares into the distance. “Oh… right… my date with Goro…”

Morgana is confused. “What…?”

Akira bodily picks Morgana up, placing him on the ground. “Go cockblock Ann. I have things.” He speedwalks away so Morgana’s tiny cat legs can’t keep up with him. Or so he likes to think.

\---

Akira sits on a bench in Inokashira park, rapidly texting Goro some threats that don’t make any sense.

_uwu akira: come to inokashira park or the cat gets it!_

_Gororo: Akira, we were planning to meet during this loop regardless. There is no need for threats._

Akira stares down at his phone, glances around, and sees no onlookers who might judge him. He lays face down on the bench and turns the color of a fire hydrant, squeezing his eyes shut so they won’t get jabbed by the wooden ends sticking out. “This is very unsafe,” he comments to it, ignoring the multiple message alerts from his phone.

He eventually sits up when he starts to feel extremely uncomfortable in his own body and life, brushing his hair which does nothing but shakes leaves that somehow accumulated in his never brushed frizz and adjusting his clothes even though they have a decidedly strange stain on them from the last time he experimented with coffee beans and decided he didn’t care enough to do anything about it. “I’m a hot mess,” he realizes out loud. _At least Goro’s into that because he has problems with an inferiority and superiority complex fighting for survival within his mind. I hope he never gets a palace. It’d be worse than that time Ryuji and I got locked in gay baby jail by Kamoshida._

He decides to stop being a wimp for five seconds and checks his phone, seeing a couple of messages appearing with dates far apart.

_Gororo: Akira. Stop doing what you’re doing immediately._

_Gororo: You didn’t say when we should meet._

_Gororo: Forget it. I’m coming._

Akira scratches his head. “He’s totally into me,” he says, putting his phone away and blinking when he notices Goro is walking up right that moment. He kind of wants to go back home and live inside his futon with some of that cheap ramen from the store in town. He knows Futaba would think he’s a loser, but sometimes things must be done for the better of his serotonin. “Oh. Goro. Hi,” he says, feeling like he should’ve worked on his Charm stat more instead of just wasting away in the bathhouse like some kind of lazy jackass who puts off palaces for his skin care routine. Especially when the skin care routine involved becoming one with a prune.

“Hi.” Goro looks the most unamused ever and like he would punch a baby. This is honestly a regular expression in his roster of unamused expressions, but it feels more poignant because there is a baby getting pushed in a stroller nearby. Akira feels genuine concern for the baby’s chances at getting punted into space, and suddenly he is very glad Morgana isn’t here. “What, exactly, are you doing?”

_ > “Thinking about how much I loved the hit movie Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2.” _  
_ > “Contemplating the tragedies of life and how hard it is when your back hurts even though you’re not even out of high school yet because what’s that going to mean for me when I’m old?” _  
_ > “Tell me about it, stud.” _

Akira stops staring at the baby and the baby momma in case Goro has jealousy issues spawning from his deep insecurity surrounding his father being a total tool. “I was just thinking about how I want a baby,” he lies. “For Yusuke. I think we could paint it.”

Goro seems to decide he doesn’t want anything to do with this conversation anymore from the way he pushes his hair out of his face and sighs for exactly half a minute. He drops down next to Akira onto the bench, casually throwing an arm over Akira’s shoulders. He is not actually that casual. “The situation has not changed, correct? We still need to go into Mementos. All that is left is seeking out the one behind this and ensuring that we put an end to this loop before it drives us-” He pauses, looking at Akira very concerned. “Well, me mad.”

Akira feels a bit hurt. “I’m not mad. I’m just rad. And you’re making me feel sad.”

“Please stop rhyming on purpose,” Goro sighs through clenched teeth, rubbing at his temple. “You know I have no fondness for poetry.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be a hipster?” Akira accuses him, wide-eyed even beneath his hipster glasses. “Shouldn’t you be writing me a sonnet right now instead of bring me down on an emotional level?”

Goro checks his phone, pretending to be busy with a social life he can’t have due to the concerning point of there being a time loop that they’re stuck in and have been stuck in for an unknown amount of time.

Akira stares at a bird in the sky, wondering if that bird flew from the same path these past few days and he never got to see it. He thinks very hard about this until Goro gives up on trying to get Akira to behave himself.

“Akira, we are going to have to go into Mementos,” Goro points out quite testily. He lightly pulls at some of Akira’s hair. “Which does mean you’ll need to stop spacing out and staring at a pigeon.”

Akira sighs, resting his head on Goro’s shoulder. “I just want a minute to pretend that I’m a normal person in a high school dating sim, Goro,” he says, even though he doesn’t even like those types of games. “Did you ever see the one with-”

Goro, who is well aware he means the dating sim about dating birds, shoves him off his shoulder. “Get up, or I will carry you into the Metaverse over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.”

Akira uselessly sits there contemplating whether he cares about being a sack of potatoes. “You’re being a bit harsh with me…”

Goro lifts that motherfucker over his shoulder. “Harshness is sometimes necessary in unpleasant situations,” he says cheerfully, radiating sparkles from his horribly TV-friendly face so that no one is alarmed by him bodily kidnapping a fellow high school student.

Akira frowns. “This reminds me of a scene in Futaba’s game… it’s called Ultimate Utopia VIII.” He sighs from over his shoulder, just laying there limply as he wonders why he’s got the willfulness of a millenial Tumblr user. “It seemed a lot more romantic until I ended up being the one kidnapped by the scary detective boy wonder into a land of unusual red aesthetic.”

Goro walked purposefully into a spot that would leave them unseen from the general public as Akira prattled on, clearly used to dealing with this at this point. “Akira, you aren’t even struggling,” he says with a bit of bite in his voice, “so please do be silent.” He thumbs the Metaverse Navigation app open on his phone, pressing the button allowing them entrance into Mementos.

As the colors swirl before his eyes, Akira once again refrains from allowing anyone around him a minute of peace in their lives. “Struggling wouldn’t make sense. You’re my boyfriend. I mean, maybe my boyfriend? What are we? Have we decided on anything? Can we go back for a bit, Crow? I think I need to-” He’s making a face at Justine who is standing outside of the Velvet Room looking back at him like a scandalized, small child.

Goro steps forward, still carrying Akira over his shoulder. He rolls his eyes as subtly as he can which works fairly effectively considering who he’s talking to. “We can discuss this at a later point. I need you fully functional and not embarrassed by your admirable ability to word vomit to the point of your own humiliation and self-loathing, please.” He lets him down once they are inside, glancing around rather pointedly. “If you’d lead the way, Joker…? Or would calling you leader make you more likely to get involved?”

Akira dusts his clothes off for no reason besides to try to appear more put-together, stepping forward. “That is my role. Don’t try to usurp it.” He pauses a bit unsurely. “So… do we just call out random names or…?”

Goro crosses his arms. “We settled on tricksters, remember? Much like yourself, Joker, it seems the one behind this likes to make a joke of our lives,” he says, voice dripping in scathing loathing.

Akira feels a bit attacked, but presses onward. “I remember that one name…” He steps forward, spreading his hands out wide and moving his legs into a stance better for a fight. “Pan, I call you to me! This game is over! Let us go now, or fight us for the chance to get out!” There is a long moment of silence, and he drops the stance rubbing the back of his head. “Crow, do you think that was too much…? Maybe I should do a re-take-”

Goro seems to be preparing to deliver a withering response when suddenly the area around them twists, a dizzying array of pink, glittery colors swirling around their eyes in a flash. “What in the world is this disgusting, trashy Valentine’s day nonsense…?” he mutters as they now stand before a pink door, decorated in hearts and baby Cupids.

Akira shrugs a shoulder, glancing up to Goro with a hint of a smile. “I mean… it is genre-fitting…” He grabs the handle of the door, turning it and stepping inside. He glances around, seeing that the interior more directly resembles a bleeding heart. He feels a bit disturbed by the way the floor and walls around them seem to shake to the beat of a pulse. “This is weird,” he says, grabbing onto Goro’s wrist as they step inside.

Goro takes in their surroundings with a disinterested expression. “A bit hard to fight in, but I’m stronger than you. It shouldn’t be an issue,” he says with the ease of a snobby asshole.

There’s a high-pitched laugh from all around them, echoing until it stops to allow a bright, flashing light to reveal Pan himself. He’s lounging across a bed made of flowers in the shape of a heart. “So you boys finally figured it out, huh? I knew you were a dumb lot of hormonal teenagers, but it really took the cake that it took you two a full week to find me!”

Akira frowns. “I may be a dumb hormonal teenager, but you’re really bringing me down right now…” He settles into a fighting stance, assuming this is the one they’ve been after.

Goro rests a hand on his hip, directly over his laser saber. “It appears you are truly the trickster we were after. I care little for your reasons. End it now. Let us out of your game.”

Pan leans back, grinning at them with sharp teeth. “Why should I? Don’t you know how boring it gets in here for us shadows…? Day in, day out, I’m stuck hanging out with gorgeous girls like Pixie and Nekomata but they won’t even give me the time of day! There might’ve been a few times I… haaa… promised them more honesty and loyalty than I could give, but it’s a man’s world in here, don’t you know?”

Akira looks disgusted. “So you cheated on these shadows…? Even that’s harsh to me, and I fight all of you for fun.”

Goro shushes Akira with a palm over his mouth, mumbling, “Just let him get it out of his system so we can fight him.”

Pan rolls over onto his stomach, staring at them over his heart-shaped bed as it begins to float above the ground. He smirks. “Well… that’s another reason I trapped all of you Persona-user assholes in this time loop. It’s sort of a situation where I thought it’d be funny if I forced you all to have feelings for people you didn’t even like, just to watch you all miserably play the role of the fool for me. It’s been real fun. Seen lots of your friends try to snap out of it, but it’s pretty damn impossible.” He sighs. “But you wildcards… I guess you’re special or something…” He snaps a finger, a couple of shadows with Cupid-like appearances appearing before them. “Now fight and lose so I can take all your power away already!”

Akira shoves Goro’s palm off his face, mentally shifting through his Personas and landing on Valkyrie. He pulls her to the surface, directing her to land a physical attack on the Cupid nearest to him. “Valkyrie, lend me your strength!” he calls out, watching as she barrels into the tiny Cupid causing a good deal of damage. “I think we should be fine against these Cupids, if you’d want to go after the big boss… since you’re apparently stronger and all,” he says to Goro, sounding a bit put off that he has to say it.

Pan spins around lazily on the bed, tossing fireballs from his hands at Goro around a yawn. “You’re really making this hard on me,” he says in a sing-songy tone, “I mean, I’m really struggling here!”

Akira rolls his eyes, continuing to direct Valkyrie to attack the Cupids. He winces when the Cupids land a hit on him, but due to Valkyrie’s ability to block holy skills with her very intimidating duel swords he manages to keep himself up just fine even as more appear when the others have disappeared. “I can tell.”

Goro does some show-off flips to dodge the fireballs, even as the last one singes his cape. He tosses it off of himself quickly, laughing a bit awkwardly. “I meant to do that,” he assures Akira, who isn’t even looking at him as he ducks under a fireball before it can singe his hair.

Pan starts playing a lute, clearly bored. “Are you even going to hit me?” he asks Goro, almost conversationally as they watch the constantly reappearing Cupids pile on Akira who screams mostly because he’s being piled on by a bunch of demonic babies.

Goro narrows his eyes and rushes into the pile of the babies, easily spearing them through with his weapon and helping pull Akira out of them. “Well, this is getting quite irritating. I don’t think we have the range to attack him directly with him floating up there, so I need you to throw me up at Pan so I can just beat the shit out of him.”

Akira, feeling a bit traumatized from the Cupids, just cups his palms and nods. “Get ready,” he says as Goro steps into his hands and throws him up onto the bed. He winces as he looks at the Cupids, summoning Valkyrie again with a shout. “Valkyrie, protect me one more time!” He cowers behind her like the coward he is as she wields her two swords threateningly against a bunch of demonic babies who are just singing little songs about love or some shit.

Goro lands, crouched, in a bunch of flower petals tossed across the bed. He proceeds to tackle Pan like a feral animal, whacking him repeatedly with his laser saber. “I could use a holy ability on you,” he says with a sigh, “but with the rate you’re bringing allies into this battle, I have a feeling there’s a reason I’ve felt drained these past few days. You’ve been doing something to us to gain more power, clearly, and I suppose it’s time for underhanded tacti-” He’s interrupted when he’s kicked in the face by a hoof.

Pan lands in a crouch, wiping at the burn marks across his face. “You talk too much. And that’s a lot, coming from me.” He closes his eyes and starts to throw fireballs down at the petals, setting the entire bed on fire. “I’ll just bring you down right here. I’m one with the fire, and there’s nothing more passionate than a little burning love in here!”

Akira groans at their commentary from down below as he watches Valkyrie spear Cupids on her swords like a shish kebab. He feels a bit traumatized. “Goro, hurry up! I want to go home already!”

Goro glares down at the peanut gallery, wincing as the fire licks at the heels of the boots of his ridiculous Robin Hood getup. He takes a deep breath, calling Robin Hood out from him with a shout. “Robin Hood! Charge up!” He feels himself surrounded by energy, attempting to stomp out the flames. “Anything else you want to say, Pan? Before I smite you like in the stories?”

Pan shrugs, snapping a finger and summoning a ton more Cupids that land on Akira. They both listen to him screaming from down below. “Nah. This part’s more fun than dealing with you.”

Goro’s eye twitches. “You’re doomed.” He glances up to Robin Hood floating in front of him, giving a nod. “Go on. Cast Megaton Raid.” He smiles easily as he watches the Pan get absolutely thrashed by the simple spell. “I noticed that you weren’t really enjoying those hits, so much as I love a good magic battle…” He hops down from the burning wreckage to save Akira from more babies. “It seems you’re defeated by a physical hit.”

Akira crawls out from under the babies, feeling emotionally defeated and a bit upset Goro’s stealing his hero moment. He mutters, “Valkyrie… defend my pride!”

Pan tries to pull himself up as the remains of the bed hit the ground, grinning. “I’m not done yet,” he says, then gurgles on his own blood as Valkyrie appears behind him spearing him on both of her swords. He starts to fade away into nothing, the Cupids all disappearing with him.

Akira collapses to the ground, not even caring about anything anymore. “Defeated by babies,” he says mournfully.

Goro glances down at him, rolling his eyes. “Suck it up,” he says, offering him a hand up. When their hands meet, the entire room begins to pulsate and glow colorfully obscuring their vision. “What the fuck…”

Akira blinks his eyes open against the light, seeing that he’s being held in Goro’s arms now. He thinks this over, trying to remember why he’s in this position. Then he notices the tendrils slowly unraveling from around them. “They’re all withered and black,” he mumbles, glancing up to Goro. “Did we… fix it?”

Goro nods, swiping at Akira’s cheek with a thumb. “It seems so. Your bruises here no longer seem to exist as well. It’s quite confusing, but it seems like most of this was not reality that we were enduring. Some sort of game inside of our minds perhaps…?”

Akira flushes slightly at the touch. “Yeah… totally,” he says, like a complete touch-starved loser. “So… are we a thing or…?”

Goro pulls back from him, pausing as he glances around. “I think if things work out quite right… We should be hearing from Oracle soon,” he says, completely avoiding the topic. “And as such, we should be acting professional. Joker, that does apply to you.”

Akira rolls his eyes, brushing himself off. “How are we even going to explain this…?” He wonders.

Futaba speaks out to all of them, saying, “I can finally connect. Whatever’s been holding us here no longer seems capable of it. We should all use a Goho-M and regroup, if Joker’s fine with that.”

Akira glances at Goro, frowning because he’s not sure how well this conversation is going to work out. “Regrouping sounds good to me. Everyone, get ready to return together. We need to have a group discussion on what happened.”

Goro nods. “I have no problems with this plan,” he says, fishing out a Goho-M from his inventory. “And thanks to the strange video game quality of this world, I have a Goho-M on my hands right here… let us go then.” He grabs Akira by the waist, pulling him close and activating it in a move clearly ripped from Sailor Moon.

Akira glares at him for stealing his hero moment multiple times, but waits as the light from it washes over him to return to the real world for the first time. _I am just so fucking glad there’s no more babies..._


	8. Day End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay let's split these author notes up babey here we go
> 
> axellite: hello!!! we finally done it. please know i only did like 3% of the work on this whole thing (aka the italics) and spent at least twenty minutes tonight witnessing shivadyne researching the male equivalent of 'damsel in distress' along with trying to figure out the exact day of the week goro was born on. i then spent the other hour crying because of the nickname b** b**** t******** (when u see it u will know). thank u for reading!!!
> 
> shivadyne: hi! i am very happy to have brought you guys a dumpster fire humor little time loop fic. i hope you all enjoyed the ride. and i'd like to STATE that there is nothing wrong with researching birthdays of fictional characters to dunk on them via lovely soft punk rock boys bc that is just the natural state of being Author. um and i hope you all like b** b**** t********

Akira slumps over onto a table in Leblanc, Goro’s hand being the only thing to stop him from face planting directly into a cup of steaming hot coffee and looking like Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender. “I hate children,” he mumbles into Goro’s hand.

“Me too,” Futaba offers, shaking her head. “I want to kick them out windows.”

Everyone collectively decides to ignore them.

Makoto sits calmly, her hands in her lap as she ignores the cup of tea resting in front of her. “It seems I have some apologies to make to you, Ryuji,” she says. “For…”

Ryuji stares into the distance, unseeing. “We made out in the library. I hate the fuckin’ library, dude.”

She clears her throat, face flushed, and adjusts her turtleneck. “Right. Well, with that out of the way… I believe it is time to discuss what just happened to us.” She pulls out her phone, revealing it’s 5:00PM on a Tuesday. “As it is clear to me that whatever happened must have remained in the metaverse.”

Akira leans over, invading Makoto’s personal space as he practically climbs over the table to see instead of politely taking the phone. “The loop has always been on a Tuesday,” he says helpfully. “We’ve been going through so many Tuesdays that I can say I hate Tuesdays.”

“I was born on a Tuesday,” Goro says, pissily.

“And aren’t we all fuckin’ glad you’re here?” Ryuji says, equally pissily.

Akira tries to remember what day he was born on. “I think I was born on a Friday?”

Goro rolls his eyes. “Idiot. It was a Wednesday.” He sips his tea, even as Akira pulls it up on his phone and realizes his shitty fucking rival boyfriend knows more about his life than he does.

“Goro, you suck.” He drops his head heavily onto said boyfriend’s shoulder, wondering why he lives just to suffer. “I wish I was dating Miku.”

“You’re gay?” Futaba says, eyes glinting furiously. “And I called dibs on Miku? That’s why I got stuck with,” she gestures to Ann with a jerk of her thumb, “big boobs twintails over here.”

“Who is Miku?” Yusuke whispers to Haru, looking confused.

Haru tilts her head. “A new student maybe…?” she whispers back. 

Ann gasps loudly in offense. “Did our time together mean nothing to you?! Calling me big boobs twintails is- is-” She huffs loudly, turning her head so fast that her hair smacks Makoto in the face. “So stupid! Like your carrot head!”

Morgana eyes Makoto angrily, wishing it was him that had gotten hit by his precious Lady Ann’s hair.

Futaba is mumbling something that sounds a lot like angry keysmashing, so she’s just saying, “Depwa spanewash depla blah!” 

“She’s speaking fuckin’ Simlish again!” Ryuji screeches.

Sojiro walks past, sighing tiredly. “Try raising her for years. Simlish is the least of your problems.” He pats Futaba on the head lovingly as he says so, like a total liar who cares about his feral gremlin child.

Makoto rubs her temples, seeming like she wants to be anywhere but here. “Can we please talk about what just happened instead of fighting?”

Akira crosses his arms, glancing up towards Goro. “Oh, hero of Mordor, why don’t you tell them? Leaving me to fight babies, like some kind of housewife-”

“Akira, you are a man,” Ann reminds him, testily. “Tread very lightly.”

Akira shuts up and nods very quickly. “I drink my respect women juice every day, I swear.” He then returns to glaring at Goro pissily. “Anyway, as I was saying, you clearly think you’re the protagonist of this story so why don’t you give us a wonderful explanation?”

Goro looks more amused than anything. “You’re just angry you were bested by infants while I, Goro Akechi, was superior and managed to best an actual god.” He holds up Akira’s coffee to him, waiting until he angrily takes it and downs the entire thing. He even waits patiently for him to stop tearing up aggressively because it was still hot and he burnt his entire tongue. “Stick to the damsel in distress role. It suits you much better, considering you-”

Ann stomps on Goro’s foot hard, a fire burning in her eyes. “Damsel?”

Goro shuts up and shakes his head very quickly. “Idiot in distress. My apologies.”

Akira finishes sniffing dramatically like an idiot in distress, sticking out his tongue. “Di’ ah burn my tonshue?”

“Fuck, now he’s speaking Simlish!” Ryuji shouts, grabbing Yusuke by the shoulder and giving him a shake.

Yusuke slaps Ryuji’s hand off. “I seem to have misplaced my wallet, Ryuji. Would you please-”

Ryuji sighs. “Yes, I’ll buy you fuckin’ curry. Just order it already, damn it. You’re a drain on my wallet.”

Haru rubs Makoto’s back as Makoto rests her head in her hands, staring blankly at the table waiting for them to stop being freaks for five minutes to discuss something plot relevant.

Goro, who was in the middle of convincing Akira to put his tongue back in his mouth by shoving his hand over his face and getting an unpleasant surprise via a second grade level lick to the hand, tries to keep a pleasant smile on his face as he says, “Now, I suppose it is about time I recount my victory to you and an explanation for all that has occurred. We were being tricked by a god, but not just any god. It was a god of Greek origins, a god known for being a trickster and fond of women who were not so fond of him-”

“Get on with it! Nah nah nah, I’m Goro and I talk so much because I think I’m a prince from the 18th century! Gothicism is over and romance is dead, so just give it to us straight,” Futaba says, slapping the table with her palm and then mumbling, “Ouch ouch ouch,” because it hurt her tiny palm.

Akira sighs dreamily at the idea of dating an actual prince from the 18th century. “She has a point,” he tells Goro. “There’s nothing princely about you.”

Goro glances down at Akira mercilessly. “Should I tell them about that movie we went to see and what occurred?”

Akira buries his head in Goro’s shoulder, face hot, and mumbles something that could be a curse or Morgana’s name or who the hell knows. 

“As I thought. Well, basically the god wanted to mess with us because he was horny and I defeated him by having my Persona beat him mercilessly with a physical attack.” He inspects his nails. “Akira watched in awe, of course, and did little besides get babies crawling all over him.”

“They! Were! Demon! Babies!” Akira screeches, flailing an arm at Goro that’s easily caught by the wrist. “And I got in the last hit with Valkyrie, anyway,” he mutters, sulkily. “So I did the thing in. Pam or whatever from The Office.”

“Pan,” Goro corrects him, still holding his wrist weirdly as Akira raises his head so they can make really creepy, intense eye contact for a long amount of time.

Makoto coughs into her palm to encourage them to stop.

Goro shakes his head, glancing back to the group. “He informed us that we were all trapped in time loops, separately, where we were forced to feel affection for each other. He did so out of cruel amusement since none of the demon girls would date him. He was feeding off of our powers, given to him by the vines within the metaverse that had wrapped around us as we were trapped in a cognition within a cognition.”

“What, like… Outception?” Ryuji asks, blinking rapidly.

“I hated that movie…” Akira frowns. “It made my head hurt.”

“You’re both just stupid,” Ann says, proudly. “I got the point of the movie perfectly. Love wins.”

Makoto sighs for a very long time. “So… that means we were all trapped in our own loops, independent of each other? That would make sense. Goro, Akira, I never want to see you two feverishly eating each others faces on a carousel ever again.”

“Me too,” Futaba says, nodding solemnly.

“Me three, dude,” Ryuji agrees, shrugging at Akira’s confused look. “What? It’s just kinda weird seeing your bro, like, octopus latch on and-”

“Me four,” Ann says, cutting him off.

“I, too, have to agree,” Haru murmurs into her cup of tea.

“As do I,” Yusuke says, between bites of his curry.

Akira doesn’t even like carousels. He’s horrified. “I don’t even like carousels?”

Morgana looks confused, even as he sucks up sushi like some kind of cat roomba. “But that didn’t happen? I mean, I wasn’t directly with them but I’m pretty sure they just went on a rollercoaster.”

Goro looks at the top of Akira’s head, contemplating the torture of being stuck with Akira Kurusu on a carousel for an agonizing length of time. “I would not be thinking of kissing him were we on a carousel together,” he says, murderously.

Akira bats his eyelashes at Goro. “You say such sweet things to me,” he says, then flushes and regrets being alive. “Anyway! I’m not even like an octopus. If I was an animal, I’d be a cat like Morgana.”

Morgana pads across the table to bunt Akira’s head lovingly and Akira returns the favor while everyone else just ignores it as usual.

Makoto looks down at her tea, stirring it. “I do believe that our loops were not the same, then. It seems that we all were struggling to make sense of our situation while plagued with affectionate versions of ourselves. I also… struggled with feeling like I was compelled to be attracted to Ryuji.” She blushes.

“I felt similarly for Haru,” Yusuke agrees, frowning slightly. “As if a voice was in my head telling me what to do. I could shake it for a time, but never too long. And the loops always had a dream-like quality.”

Akira shares a somewhat confused look with Goro. “We were both having that dream-like quality, but a voice in my head never told me to kiss him or anything… except…” He thinks over his options.

_ > “That time I had this weird urge to make a Sims family of us? With like genetic babies? But I was scared Sim Goro would drown our offspring like his dad probably wanted to, so I didn’t.” _  
_ > “That time aliens beamed down to tell me to make out with Goro, or we’d die! Set phasers to love me!” _  
_ > “Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I think I had feelings for Goro so it was different! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! He’s a jerk! I’m so into it! Why? And he didn’t even hold me much after, so what was the point in the Sailor Moon crap earlier anyway?!” _

Akira breathes out slowly. “I just wish I had been the one who got to do the cooler things. Like not fight babies.”

Goro shushes him. “I’ll let you fight more than babies next time,” he says condescendingly, like an asshole. “You’re cute when you’re stupid and repetitive. Like a caveman. You’re basically prehistoric. You belong in a museum. To collect dust and eventually decay.”

Akira blushes even though he’s confused because there’s so many insults going on. “You think I’m cute?”

Makoto ignores them. “So it seems,” she says, at a higher volume to speak over their weird flirting, “that we all experienced the situation differently. We were manipulated and our brains were turned against us. Futaba, would you be able to block any such intrusions out again in the future?”

Futaba nods rapidly. “It’ll be no problem. I basically got down what it was like from my Persona. My tentacle UFO goddess has blessed me with much, much knowledge.” She sighs dreamily, cheek squishing into her palm as she envisions her Persona.

Akira stares into the distance, traumatized by Futaba’s tentacle obsession once more.

***

Akira wakes up to the sound of messages hitting up his phone, groaning as he reads the time on his phone. “Who’s bugging me at two in the morning…? Morgana, deliver the final hit…” His head thumps into the pillow dramatically.

Morgana simply rolls over and ignores him, a paw covering his head.

Akira sighs, checking his phone. He reads the texts, feeling charmed despite himself.

_Goro Sux <3: Akira. It seems we have finally managed to beat the time loop. Check the day. _

Akira reluctantly glances to the corner of his phone, seeing the word Wednesday in bold letters. He rubs at his eyes, fighting down a yawn.

_uwu akira: yeehaw we done it baby_

_Goro Sux <3: Never call me that again. Or I’ll make you regret it. _

_uwu akira: babey_

_Goro Sux <3: Alright. You asked for it. Goodnight, princess. May you sleep well for me to save you again tomorrow. _

Akira angrily leaves him on read and rolls over to go back to sleep, missing the next text.

_Goro Sux <3: Also, don’t forget about Sae’s palace. You massive idiot. Love you. _


End file.
